Sex

Anyone for bifocals?

In some ways, I was quite surprised I hadn't seen it earlier. After all, a myriad of research studies had been performed confirming it. It was nothing new or surprising—only a matter of time before someone would turn it into a joke.

As we walked into Gowings, we stumbled across a book on the shelf. Its title: What Men Really Think About.

Needless to say, the book was something that grabbed her eye. She picked up the book with a raised eyebrow, curious as to what new information lay within the 50 or so pages ahead.

Virtually all the pages in the book had one word on them in large, bold type: SEX, repeated time and time again. Once in a while, a different word: BEER or SPORT. And then again to her disappointment the word SEX occupied the next few pages. What do men really think about? Sex, sport and beer? Is that all?

By the end of the book, she made a face and shook her head in part disbelief, part bewilderment. Meanwhile, ask any man for his reaction to the book, and I'm sure he'd probably find a great deal of truth within it.

And there you have it. The world's perspective of sex. It occupies the thoughts of men an extraordinary number of times on a daily basis (sorry girls, it's true). Increasingly, the same can be said about women as they move beyond looking for emotional fulfilment or the emotional bridge building that sex can bring to a relationship; moving on to a Sex and the City type mindset. We are a sex-oriented world, and live in a time and place where sexual freedom and sexual pleasure are the ultimate goals.

Sadly, this obsession with sex has led to our world rejecting the wonderful gift that was given to us by God in creation.

Whilst a systematic examination of all aspects of sex in the Bible would be a diverse, fun and fascinating exercise (!), we have decided to focus specifically on the areas of sexual passion and purity for this article, comparing and contrasting the world and Biblical view.

Sexual passion, where we desire and yearn for the fulfilment of our sexual instincts, is synonymous with the idea of lust in many parts of the Bible (1 Thes 4:5, 2 Peter 2:10). Meanwhile, sexual purity refers to acknowledging the existence of such instincts, but refers also to controlling them and using them in the way God intended.

But are the two mutually exclusive? We'll have to put on two pairs of glasses (a pair of short and long-sighted glasses to be precise) to think about this issue in a little more depth.

Short Sighted Glasses

Short-sighted glasses represent our world's view of sex, for through such lenses the world views sex on the same timeline as their lives. Those who wear such glasses (metaphorically speaking!), fail to see that issues such as timing and patience are attached to sex. They see what lies before their very own eyes, like what they see and act upon it. Unfortunately, no attempt is made to try and distinguish the blurry vision in the distance.

Compared to the account in Genesis 2, it is quite easy to see that mankind has abused God's original intention and plan for sex. In general, we seek to satisfy all sexual passions as they arise, living for the here and now. Temptations in the form of television, magazines and advertising to name a few, are all around us and encourage us to give in to our sexual urges and express our sexuality freely.

We pursue the ideology of sexual freedom as we look to sex only as a means to an end for me over and above the implications for the other person. Our attitude can be seen in the way we view the purpose of sex: as a vehicle through which we can satisfy and glorify ourselves.

Sadly, it is not human nature to seek sexual purity in our lives. Concepts such as maintaining virginity before marriage, as well as faithfulness and monogamy in marriage are marginalised and viewed as old-fashioned, outdated, irrelevant and simply unattainable today. Magazines such as FHM, Cleo, Cosmopolitan attest to this. We're lured to believe that sexual fulfilment is found in the “experience” we can gain with a number of lovers and the “shop around to find what's best for you” theory. Such magazines also present a distorted picture of sex, leaving readers to aspire towards getting the best scores in their anything but authoritative quizzes.

Long-Sighted Glasses

Putting on these pair of glasses enables us to view sex in its proper context as God intended it. We see that sex is something reserved for marriage, for only in this stage of life is sexual passion to be expressed. Outside of marriage, such passion is to be controlled as we endeavour to seek sexual purity and blamelessness in our single lives.

What appears through these glasses is something totally different to what is seen through the short-sighted ones. As Greg and Amelia Clarke state in their recent book One Flesh:

Scripture is not obsessed with the pleasures of sex in the same way that Western society is. All the same, it is undeniably enthusiastic about sex and makes it plain to us that physical, sexual pleasure is a very good part of God's creation for a man and a woman. It is something worth celebrating, giving thanks to God.

Here we see that there is a difference between obsession and enthusiasm: the latter being associated with long-sighted glasses and the former attributable to the short-sighted glasses. To be enthusiastic is what we are encouraged to be, but to be obsessed, well, that's stepping over the line.

God intended sex to be pleasurable. He created man and woman as sexual beings, with sexual urges and sexual abilities. Song of Songs is one such book that is primarily concerned with the pleasures of sex as we see two people openly declaring their love and desire for one another:

My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh that lies between my breasts. My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi. Song 1:13-14 (ESV)

My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me. Song 5:4 (ESV)

I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me. Song 7:10 (ESV)

Such verses indicate that sexual passion is something that is good and to be enjoyed. The description and imagery of a lover and his beloved rejoicing in each other's sexuality in a garden where they feel no shame gives us insight into God's original intention of sex for us. Such comparisons to Eden are not accidental as this picture paints sexual passion untainted by sin on its canvas, reminiscent of Genesis 2:18-25.

But where the world view and Biblical view on sex differ most is in its timing. Whilst the world encourages us to give in to our sexual urges now, the Bible calls us to wait until marriage (of the “till death do us part” kind), for only in the context of marriage can we see obedience towards God's plans and purposes in sex. Sexual purity is passion in context. This Biblical view can only be seen if we put on our long-sighted glasses, as the bigger picture (or context) then comes into focus.

Paul connotates in 1 Corinthians 7:9 that only in marriage are we to exercise our sexual passion.

But if [the unmarried and widows] cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.

If we are not married then we are to exercise self-control. We must not succumb to the temptation of putting on the short-sighted glasses, but instead, to treat people in all purity—as brothers and sisters (1 Timothy 5:1-2).

Sexual purity presents a huge challenge to Christians. It asks us to resist the urges and temptations that are presented to us in this fallen world, which lure us into a false sense of security with its attractiveness and appeal. Joseph faced this challenge in his dealings with Potiphar's wife in Genesis 37: 6b-10:

Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance. And after a time his master's wife cast her eyes on Joseph and said, “Lie with me.” But he refused and said to his master's wife, “Behold, because of me my master has no concern about anything in the house, and he has put everything that he has in my charge. He is not greater in this house than I am, nor has he kept back anything from me except yourself, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” And as she spoke to Joseph day after day, he would not listen to her, to lie beside her or to be with her.

Despite the constant barrage of invitations from Potiphar's wife, Joseph was able to resist because he understood the bigger picture. He recognised his responsibilities to be faithful to his master who had put him in charge of virtually everything. Had Joseph decided to put on his short-sighted glasses he himself knew that he would be sinning against God and be doing great wickedness.

Which Glasses?

If we wear the short-sighted glasses and act upon what appears before us, the result is sexual immorality¹. As such, it is to have no part in the life of the Christian—it is to be eradicated completely—for we find in the Bible that we are to:

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (ESV)

Paul also identifies this as an issue for the churches in Ephesus and Thessalonica:

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetness must not be even named among you, as is proper among saints. Ephesians 5:3 (ESV)

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honour, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God... 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 (ESV)

But the answer is not to simply put on long-sighted glasses either. For someone who walks around with their long-sighted glasses on, the things in short range are not clear. We are to shape our view on the Bible yet at the same time we are not to be ignorant of the world's perspective on sex. So then what are we to do?

Wear bifocals! Only by seeing the flaws and dangers of what lies through the short-sighted lenses will the vision according to the long-term lenses make proper sense. We cannot see sex in one, single timeframe, and be totally oblivious to the other. We need to critique what we see in close range, flee from it, resist it and encourage others to do likewise, whilst at the same time, looking forward to what lies ahead in the horizon.

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22 (ESV)

Issue 06 In the Image of God On Being a Man The Gentle Sex Marriage: An Interview One Flesh, One Food Singleness Divorce Dating Dating Essay Sex: Adam Knew Eve Sex: Anyone for Bifocals? A History, A Story Hippocampus Extensions About Issues Ben Karen

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