Male and Female
The Image of God
Singleness
I must say, this has been the hardest subject to discuss and write on. It was once said to me by one of my wisest of companions, that a teacher (or preacher) must first teach or preach to himself, before he can do so to anyone else.
I must admit, from an early age, till the present day—at the end of my university career (God willing!), I am constantly hounded by questions concerning the opposite sex. Not so much from my mother, but more so from my uncles and aunties. Questions such as “So, how many girlfriends do you have?” are often fielded at family reunions. So from an early age, and I think it would be for most of us, quite a common, or even a western (or quite possibly eastern) phenomenon, there is a societal expectation, to be paired off with someone else, even amongst Christian circles.
In looking at marriage, please understand that I am not an expert with a greater theological insight than anyone else—please also remember that I am single! I can only write on the subject of marriage from what the Bible says and from what married people have said to me. So, I'm sorry for those who think I am an expert in marriage—I'm only writing on what Scripture has to say on this particular topic.
In looking at the topic of singleness, again, this is not the be all and end all of biblical papers. However, not only can I draw on biblical data (which, of course, is the most important pieces of this paper), but I can also draw upon personal experiences of being a single Christian male in a fallen world.
I pray that I may write God's truth on these particular issues.
Marriage
The Bible speaks a lot about marriage. For instance, in Genesis 2:24, the man will leave his parents, and join in a union with his wife. This verse is quoted by Jesus in Matthew 19:5, Mark 1:7-8 and once by the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:31. In all instances, the Genesis passage has become as the “it” text on the subject of marriage.
The term “one flesh” implies a united fellowship, especially in the word “flesh”. It's actually interesting at this point, that God originally intended for us to be compatible with each other - or complementary would be a better term.1
Marriage as a temporary thing...
When Jesus was questioned by the Sadducees, concerning marriage in the resurrection in Mark 12:18-23. But Jesus, says:
When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. Mark 12:25
It's quite explicit isn't it? In the resurrection, we won't be married! Actually, that'll solve a couple of problems, especially for those who have remarried. So really, in the end, we will all be “single” in we won't be alone, but we will be with God in heaven (Revelation 21).
The real marriage...
The real and true marriage is really between Christ and his church as described in Ephesians 5:25-33. What does that mean for us now? Well, I think that we being the church, we are, in reality, married to Christ—who laid down his life for us, and whom we lovingly submit to.
At this point, some of you may be asking, “Should I get married? If this world is just a temporary place, where our marriages in this world are only just a shadow of the things to come, then should I be single for the rest of my life on earth?” This leads us to our next point.
Singleness
The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage n because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” Matthew 19:10-12
When we think about the topic of singleness, we automatically think of 1 Corinthians 7. However, we tend to forget that Jesus did speak about being single during his ministry.
In Matthew 19, Jesus was questioned by the Pharisees concerning marriage—specifically divorce. The disciples saw the situation of human relationships. They saw that it is better not to marry. Notice what Jesus says, "...Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given..." (v.11). It is like as if singleness is a gift from God.
Then Jesus goes into detail to those, as he describes, "...only those to whom it has been given..." (v.11). Some are born single2 (or if you want to be specific, eunuchs), or made eunuchs by men3, and others have made the choice of being single for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. It's actually interesting, that being single is a plus for the furthering of the gospel...remind you of something?
It reminds me of this...
Well, I know what you are thinking. It reminds me of the famous text of 1 Corinthians 7. The Apostle Paul was addressing a set issues that the Corinthian church had asked him. One of the topics was marriage and singleness - where 1 Corinthians 7 comes in.
The Apostle Paul knew of the tension there is between serving God with all of your heart, soul and strength, and with looking after the concerns of your spouse as well.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world-how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
So, what is Paul saying here? Well, it would seem that being single is superior to serving God on a full-time capacity. In one sense, as Christians, we are all in full-time Christian ministry, serving one another. However, it is more in the context of paid full-time Christian ministry, in another words, the preaching of the gospel. It links back to what Jesus said in Matthew 19, those who choose to be eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven.
It may be good for a person not to marry, for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. However, the Bible does talk of those people who should marry. In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, Paul says that it is those who cannot control themselves should get married, or they will burn with passion.
But hold on...
In Genesis 2:18, God saw that it was not good for man to be alone. And God saw that the need for man to be in relationship with someone else, with God being the primary relationship of the man. So if it is not good for man to be alone, yet Paul says that it is not good for a man to be unmarried, then what's the deal here? Well, I think part of the fact is that in 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul describes his marital status of being single as a gift from God, like Jesus in Matthew 19:12. So in one sense, yes, it is not good for man to be alone as you may burn with passion. But in another sense, being single is a gift from God.
Also, we must remember that Genesis 2:18 says that it is not good for a man to be alone. In one sense, we are not alone. If we are Christians, we have each other. Hebrews 10:24-25 tells us not to give up meeting with one another. And that when we do meet up with one another, that we should be encouraging one another. Also, as single people, part of the body of Christ, we are all brothers and sisters. Peter describes other believers as “brothers” in 1 Peter 1:22. The Apostle Paul describes fellow believers as brothers in such letters as 1 Thessalonians, and so on. So, in one sense, we are like a family. A body of believers, united in our love for the Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, we are not really alone—we have each other!
Where to from here?
I must admit—this topic has been the most gut wrenching for me, as a single male Christian. I don't think I have ever struggled on a topic like this before. Cause it has really cut to the heart of me, and I hope that it may have the same effect on you as well.
So brothers and sisters who are single, please, do honour God while you still can. But if you have the gift, then may I encourage you to keep going on serving the Lord, and if you have not considered it, to become involved in full-time paid Christian ministry. But if you do not have the gift, may I encourage you to keep praying for a partner, but above all, whether having the gift or not, please continue in personal godliness.
To my married brothers and sisters, please do look after us singles. Do welcome us into your homes and make us a part of your family. In the Asian culture, we call our parents' friends Uncle and Aunty. In calling people aunty and uncle, especially single people, we are actually making them part of an extended family.
So, therefore, in all of this, I pray that God, and his gospel, will be glorified, whether we are single or married.
Stan Lie is a final year student at the University of New South Wales. Really a white guy trapped inside an asian guy's body, Stan is trying to be all things to all men—“to the married, I become married, and to the single, well, heya! I already am!”
1 I say this because there are males out there who cannot stand some females, and females out there who cannot stand some males. One would think that the fall has something to do with it—in which it has had an enormous ripple effect throughout the world, continuing to this very day.
2 We are all born single, but what the verse is saying, is whether you are born single for the rest of your life.
3 I think this part of the verse, within the context of human relationships, is not limited to the physical removal of sex organs. But I think extends to other people’s choice in not choosing them as a marriage partner. Although, now that I think about it more, it could also be that, within that cultural context, people had physical removal of the sex organs forced upon them by men. So what could it mean today? Well, I think that single people who stay single not by their own choice, but by the choice of people, in a way is castration, that is those who choose not to marry that particular person, may actually take away that particular persons sexual options—within the biblical framework. Therefore, it’s not so much a removal of the sexual organs from a person, but it’s the removal of use of the sexual organs between two people of the opposite sex. I’m open to criticism on this.
Comments
Gday Stan,
I know what you mean when you speak about the struggle with being single or not. Especially from an Asian background. I’m pretty much fair dinkum Aussie inside an Asian bod myself. And I get heaps of this “Whoa… so how many girls are you chasing after?” etc by my Aunts and Uncles as well… Take care brother.
on 01 November, 2002 11:10 PM
Thanks for your thoughts, Stan. I’m a bit older than the average university student (okay, I’m 28) and being single hasn’t been as tough previously as it is now. I think I have the gift of singleness, whatever anyone says that means, but it still doesn’t take away from the Friday nights, Saturdays, Saturday nights and Sundays sitting at home doing stuff by myself. I don’t have family in Sydney, my flatmate and I don’t really socialise together, and to be honest, I’m lonely as anything!
I virtually never turn down any invitation to do anything, I try to have people over to my house for dinner and organise stuff, but I still spend so much time ALONE…
I hate to sound like a “complaining” git, but I’m lonely. My friends are all paired or flatmate-ed. One of my friends once said to me: “I socialise with my girlfriends more when (my husband) is away” - and I replied “My husband, he’s always away...”
Of course, God’s my provider, my comforter, my saviour, my friend, but sometimes he don’t feel right there next to me…
on 04 November, 2002 2:04 PM
For the last commentary, I’m also single and 28, but God is always right there next to me.
If I feel I know what I want, God reassures and give me what I need not what I want, so being single gives me a lot of opportunity to spend time knowing God better.
So I am not really alone.
On Friday, Saturday’s I spend time with the body of Christ, my friends from Church, at parties or dinners - or I spend time with people outside of Church with opportunity to witness with them. So I am part of the body of Christ in the world, not a single person alone…
God always feels right there next to me.
Phil on 07 December, 2002 12:09 PM
Stan, thanks for the honest, open, and Biblically sound article. I’m a young single woman trapped in a not-so-young body. I struggle with my singleness off and on, but *know* that God is protecting my heart.
The closer I get to God and more open and relational I am with Him, the easier it is to forget my singleness--sometimes--or to balance my desire for the intimacy of marriage with the enjoyment of solitude.
I would encourage you and other single believers with the thought that, although there will not be marriages in heaven, there WILL be love. We will be at the uncorrupted source and beginning of love. And that’s got to be just as good as marriage here on earth.
Peace,
kathleen
kathleen on 22 May, 2003 8:39 AM