The “Gentle” Sex

Everywhere you go these days, you see beautiful women. They're usually on television, on billboards, on the sides of buses, on the silver screen, in magazines. Sometimes a real live one will walk by and all the men in the immediate vicinity will stop and stare, often bumping into things in the process.

Needless to say, many women feel inadequate about themselves because they know they don't measure up to those tall slim smooth-skinned models whose sultry gazes beam forth from every possible advertising space. The average woman is not a size 8 and does not have legs up to her neck. The average woman gets pimples or PMS days, and has bits of fat hanging off her. Sometimes no amount of dieting, scrubbing or pill-taking will get rid of these flaws. The average woman does not feel beautiful.

Beauty is power. Beauty commands attention and therefore influence. Guys seem to like beautiful women (especially those in tight low-cut tops), and even though they say they look for other less superficial qualities in a mate, beauty is still a major factor for them, whether they acknowledge it or not. Girls like to be beautiful for their men because they know it pleases them. So a man's fiancée will go on a diet for six months to lose enough weight to fit into that perfect wedding dress; she will smother herself with make-up to hide those wrinkles and unseemly blotches; and she will paste on a brilliant smile to mask the pain inflicted by her new shoes with those dreadfully high heels as she walks down the aisle.

Given that, for Christian girls, there is usually another male in their lives who is far more important than a boyfriend, fiancé or husband, I might ask the question, “What does the Lord look for in a girl?” The answer is really quite surprising. Peter writes:

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. (1 Peter 3:3-6)

God looks for beauty, yes, but it is an imperishable beauty. It won't wrinkle, spoil, fade, fall off or require cosmetic surgery. It won't need to be covered over with powders or concealers to make it more palatable. It's an inner beauty, not an outer beauty—the inner beauty of a “gentle and quiet spirit”. In God's sight, this is very precious.

“Hang on, girlfriend,” I hear you say. “This sounds like doormat language! Isn't God being a chauvinistic bastard?” Part of our problem (other than our natural inclination to be rebellious against God) is the cultural baggage associated with the word “gentle”. To us, the word “gentle” sounds doormat-ish because it is derived from the notion of gentility or high birth. The English word comes from the Latin “gentilis”—“gens” meaning “family”, “clan” or “kind”. Words derived from the same root include “genealogy” and “genus”. In the past, British society was divided into three classes: the nobility, the gentry and the yeomanry. Families were categorised as being “noble”, “gentle” or “simple”. “Gentlefolk” meant “people of good family”, and “gentleman” and “gentlewoman” referred to a man or woman of “gentle” birth—ie. of good breeding, attached to a royal household. Sometimes the word was even used as a title of respect, consideration or conciliation—eg. “gentle reader” or “gentle sirs”. And women were called the “gentle” sex because they were supposed to be quiet, refined and upper-class in manners, not rough and violent like men.

You'll be glad to know, then, that when the word “gentle” is used in the Bible, it does not carry any of the above meanings. Some argue that “gentle” isn't really a good translation, preferring “meek” instead (see KJV). “Meek” has its own problems; it isn't used very much these days and it also reeks of doormat-ism. “Humble”, “submissive” or “tame” don't do justice to it either. To get a better sense of the word it would be best if we had a look at Jesus who described himself as being “meek and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29—KJV).

Jesus enters Jerusalem in triumph. Matthew records the incident for us in chapter 21 of his gospel, pointing out that this event fulfills the prophecy of Zechariah 9:9:

Say to the daughter of Zion,

Behold, your king is coming to you,

humble [ie. “meek” or “gentle”], and mounted on a donkey,

and on a colt, the foal of a beast of burden. (Matthew 21:5)

This is the Christ—the “Anointed One”—the king—riding into his capital city, not on a warhorse brilliantly decked out with armour and banners, but on a donkey draped with clothes. He has no flags or trumpets or armies in his train. He only has a bunch of rag-tag followers who don't own much and who are a little nervous about entering Jerusalem because their leader keeps saying he'll be delivered over to be killed once they get there.

Here we have a picture of what it means to be gentle or meek: Jesus, the mighty king and all-powerful God, steadfastly heading towards his death, humble, meek and gentle, obeying his heavenly Father's will. Consider Peter's words in 1 Peter 2:22-23, speaking of Jesus' trial and execution:

He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

Jews and Gentiles alike mocked Jesus, spat on him, scorned and beat him. But he did not retaliate. He did not lash out. He was gentle to the very end, praying, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34).

Gentleness or meekness is not a characteristic valued by our society, though it was important to the kings of the ancient Near East who were not afraid to call themselves “meek” as well as “mighty” (see Nebuchadnezzar's words in Daniel 4:36-37). Gentleness is not a virtue that we uphold, pray for or encourage others to practice. But gentleness is strongly promoted in the Bible and it is a trait that Paul calls all Christians to adopt (Colossians 3:12). Baker's Evangelical Dictionary of Theology states that:

Meekness is ... an active and deliberate acceptance of undesirable circumstances that are wisely seen by the individual as only part of a larger picture. Meekness is not a resignation to fate, a passive and reluctant submission to events, for there is little virtue in such a response. Nevertheless, since the two responses— resignation and meekness—are externally often indistinguishable, it is easy to see how what was once perceived as a virtue has become a defect in contemporary society.

So what does the Lord look for in a woman? What does he see as being her chief beauty? A gentle and quiet spirit, submissive, humble and obedient before him, accepting that God is in control in all circumstances, even when it doesn't seem like he is. An attitude of meekness, a turning of the other cheek when persecuted, and a recognition that vengeance belongs to a higher power and should not be taken into one's own hands.

How should one be gentle? How should one practise meekness? Humble yourself in prayer before him. Let his word dictate how you live your life (James 1:21). Obey his voice when he tells you to talk to that person you don't particularly like about Jesus, or when he tells you to move to India to become a missionary. Bear with that Christian sister who hast hurt you; rebuke and restore with a “spirit of gentleness” that Christian brother who has sinned (Galatians 6:1). Submit to your husband's decision to live off only half your income so that you can give the other half away. Show “perfect courtesy to all people” (Titus 3:1-2) and live such a blameless life that others give glory to God (1 Peter 2:12).

When you are asked for a reason for the hope that is in you, testify of Christ with gentleness and reverence, being mindful of their preconceptions and spiritual background (1 Peter 3:15-16). When others argue with you about the goodness of God, correct them lovingly so that you may assist in the Lord's work in bringing them to repentance (2 Timothy 2:23-26). When others revile you, think twice before reacting, remembering that Jesus promised persecution if we live for his sake (Matthew 24:9).

Gentleness is not something you can display on a billboard or capture in a television commercial. It cannot be bottled or marketed or used to sell cars. But it is a trait that God desires all women to have—a trait which is “very precious” in his sight. So throw out your make-up and perfume and high-heeled shoes. Don't compare yourself to the latest cover-girl or film star. Put on gentleness instead and encourage others to do likewise. And that way you'll be a supermodel in the eyes of the Lord.

Issue 06 In the Image of God On Being a Man The Gentle Sex Marriage: An Interview One Flesh, One Food Singleness Divorce Dating Dating Essay Sex: Adam Knew Eve Sex: Anyone for Bifocals? A History, A Story Hippocampus Extensions About Issues Ben Karen

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