A bit of dialogue
Thursday, 18 September, 2008
I asked Guan to run the writing exercise at Word by Word on Saturday. He shared with us some wisdom about dialogue, and then we had a go at doing some. One of the scenarios he gave us was a couple on a hotel balcony in Cairo, drinks in hand. This is what I came up with, and it's rather clichéd, and I'm not even sure you can see the moon in Cairo, but here you go ...
“I do love you, you know.” He came up behind her and slipped those words into her ear the way the postman would deliver the mail.
The ice clinked against the side of her glass as she leaned away from him onto the railing. “Words,” she said. One word.
“No, really. You're like those Col Porter songs. ‘You're the Top’. ‘Night and day ... you are the one ... ’” he sang. He had a good voice, she had to admit. It reminded her of honey and liquid dark chocolate on chilled winter nights.
“‘Love for Sale’?” she murmured.
“Cynic.” He stepped closer to her and snaked his arms around her waist, hands resting on her belly. She raised her arm involuntarily to touch his cheek. She felt him smile.
“Strange, dear, but true, dear, when I'm close to you, dear ...,” he crooned.
“... the stars fill the sky,” she volunteered. “So in love with you am I ...”
They were quiet. A smokey breeze rippled through the palms. In the distance, a car horn went off and then was silenced.
“It's late,” she said. She stretched and moved away from him. His arms dropped to his sides as he turned to watch her go. She paused at the door. “Coming?”
“Soon, love. You go ahead.”
She sniffed. “Soon.” Then she slipped inside, the lights going out one by one as she moved from room to room.
He stood there at the rail for some moments, breathing in the smoke and the city's hum and the moon. Then he turned and made his way downstairs to the hotel bar.
Blinks:
A way of funding writing in the future: pitch and idea and get people to support it.
Place where you can hire play equipment for parties, etc.
How to recalibrate the home button on your iPhone.
Unsolicited manuscripts accepted by Pan Macmillan with certain conditions.
Thought Balloon is a group blog in which the writers tackle a new theme every week? month? with one-page scripts. This URL is for their Phonogram ones.
How to sew a zipper on a knitted garment.
Issues organised by tale.
|
|
Disqus comments
Other comments
“I do love you, you know.” seems to start out with something that is too big to be established in the first sentence. I don’t “believe” it as I don’t know anything about the characters. Maybe it could start with a description of what someone is doing and then move onto that dialog.
People don’t tend to love, in fiction, they tend to desire or hate, real love is rare and has to be earned through trials, the achievement of it leads to a end of a story. Flirting is a good way to start as a indication of desire and they do some flirting in the discussion but part ways.
Repetition of the words dear and love too often feels slightly wrong.
Two people met and talked, but I can’t see their motivation or what they want. Its certainly an atmosphere for an event such as a murder or betrayal or desire. However where can harmonious love lead?
dialogue
Curious: you’re reading too much into it and you’re reading it completely wrong. I suppose it’s not surprising as it’s just a snippet, and it’s not supposed to establish well-rounded characters or a well-rounded plot. The aim of the exercise was to hint at certain things through dialogue—to give you a sense of the people who were talking almost purely through their speech. I’ve cheated a bit and included their actions (because I see their actions going hand in hand with their speech).
Dialogue is so much fun.
Then it sounds like it really is a porpoise in a suit or suits its purpose, one or the other, and I do mean that seriously.