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Thursday, 26 February, 2015

I keep wanting to get back into blogging. It’s a crazy thought that leaves me internally laughing: “Yeah right! With what time?” And then another internal voice (one no doubt spawned from my internal critic) chimes in with, “You have to make time: you make time for the things that are the most important to you. If you don’t, then it obviously wasn’t that important to you”—to which my other internal voice (the one that’s cranky but which tries to be kind to myself) says, “Oh, SHUT UP! Don’t you have any inkling of what it’s like, being a mother to young children? You’re on the ball for 12 hours a day, plus you have to tackle the housework and the admin on top of general parenting/childminding, so it’s little wonder that when the girls are in bed, all you want to do is sit on the couch, knitting and watching TV. TV and knitting may seem like a waste of time, but let me tell you, if you weren’t spending those few precious hours in the evening doing that, you’ll be more of a basket case the following day. You know this. You may be able to get away with devoting a night a week to demolishing your never-ending To Do list. But it still eats into your store of energy, and then you end up super cranky and yelling at your kids. Do you really want that?” To which I respond in a small voice, “No …” And then I just keep running around in mental circles.

But perhaps another solution can be found: perhaps (if I silence my internal critic and perfectionist) it could be done. It would mean writing shorter—quelling that impulse (that partly arises from Twitter’s brevity) to write lengthy thinkpieces incorporating everything I’ve ever thought on a subject in favour of pithy things that may not do very much, but that might make a small point in about 500-1000 words. (Okay, okay: 1000 words is exactly “short”.) It would mean setting a timer, seeing what I can come up with in that period and learning to be content with it, whatever its form. It would mean bolstering my self-control to ignore the intrusions of social media. It would mean quashing all protestations that my blog design is 10 years out of date (it is), existing on a domain that hardly gets used anymore (true), powered by a content management system that is too old for the version of PHP running on its server (*sigh*). (Maybe one day I’ll have time to update all of that. [*Insert hysterical laughing.*]) But for now, the writing is the thing.

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