Change
Tuesday, 19 October, 2004
This semester during TEAM Unileavers we did a week on change and my friend Ingrid was our guest visitor (Ingrid, incidentally, is now married to Guan's old flatmate and she used to flat with Naomi who works for FEVA and who used to do Uni with us and who we will be going to church with next year. It's a small world, isn't it!)
(I've got to do something about getting so sidetracked at the begining of my blog posts.)
Anyway, Ingrid came in and gave us a few tips on how to manage change, based on her own experience but also drawing on her background in Psychology and counselling. I've been thinking over them recently because they are quite helpful and I've been mindful of the fact that I'm up for a big slate of change in a couple of months (as is Ben A and his Lorien, and Deb):
Change means stress
Write a list of how you react to change (eg. sleep more/sleep less, eat more/eat less, etc.) These are indicators that will show you when you are getting stressed.
When I get stressed I:
- get cranky;
- snap at people;
- become impatient;
- lose my motivation to do stuff;
- feel totally overwhelmed
- skip meals
- neglect my quiet time.
Book some holidays
In your first year of work, it is likely that you won't be able to get any time off for holidays. (In later years, you'll get about 4 weeks for annual leave.) Therefore, make sure you plan some weekends off/away. Take advantage of long weekends to do something relaxing. Take care of yourself.
Bother, I should get better at planning weekends off and stuff like that. Last weekend was a classic example of not doing that and winding up with far too much on my plate and then crashing and burning in the new week.
Relationships will change
Because of all the changes in your life, it may be hard to keep up with people. Relationships will change. Be realistic and go easy on yourself. What you may need is to go back home and hang out with your old friends every now and then.
Leaving MTS, I'm thinking about all these relationships that will change simply because I won't be seeing them anymore (or as much anymore)—the students, the staff team, people from church, people from work and so on. It makes me a bit sad but I know from years of experience I can't be best friends with everyone—people change and move on and you just catch up when opportunity presents itself. I find some people easier than others to hang with—maybe that's a snobbish thing to say. There are people I feel comfortable with and people I don't feel all that comfortable with.
De-stress
Write a list of things that de-stress you—things that you really enjoy. When you're stressed, it's hard to think of anything that's fun.
Things I find relaxing/re-energising are:
- reading books
- watching movies
- listening to music
- playing the piano
- singing
- knitting
- thinking/daydreaming
- sitting in the sun.
Note that these are mostly passive activities and they're mostly done alone. People are not relaxing, writing is not relaxing (writing is work!), web design is not relaxing and housework is certainly not relaxing. Mind you, some of those things are fun (not housework) but they're not relaxing and when I've done them, I still need to do one of the above to rest.
Fun things include but are not limited to:
- hanging out with friends I feel comfortable with
- going out for breakfast
- going out to dinner (Thai! Japanese!)
- going out for yum cha (provided it's with people who are not total Philistines who won't eat anything and provided they don't leave all the ordering up to you)
- having friends over for dinner
- having friends over for dinner to watch a good movie and eat popcorn
- going to the movies with friends and deconstructing it afterwards over “coffee”
- going shopping with friends (Ben hates shopping)
- visiting my favourite bookstores and browsing the shelves
- buying a new pen
- going for a walk—with or without a friend (especially a walk along the beach because there are no hills to climb—it's all flat—but it's still hard work because of the sand)
- making cards
- going to art exhibitions
- going to the theatre/opera/ballet/symphony to see/hear something I really want to see (unfortunately now I'm 26, the tickets are more expensive. I haven't been to any of those things for yonks anyway)
- jamming (as in music, not condiments)
- horse riding (I can't remember the last time I did this)
- swimming (sometimes—sometimes it doesn't seem worth the effort)
- taking photographs
Ministry
Write a list of how much ministry you're doing now and compare it with the number of contact hours you have at Uni. The amount of ministry you're doing may be affected by your face-to-face contact hours. When you start work, you increase those hours of intensity. It's a good idea, then, not to sign up for heaps of ministry stuff when you're working. In fact, it's better to cut back. When things get better, sign on again. It's better than taking on more, burning out and pulling out—that will take you longer to recover. At church, they may push you into doing ministry. Be firm and say to them, “Can I get back to you after six months of working?”
Ministries I'm doing now:
- meeting up with three girls one-to-one to read the Bible and pray;
- doing Just for Starters with a girl who has just become a Christian;
- teaching Sunday school and coordinating the Year 2-5 Sunday school team;
- writing five lessons on money, wealth and possessions for Sunday school;
- designing (sometimes) and producing the ECU main meeting outlines and posters;
- occasionally keeping the ECU website up-to-date;
- doing minutes for ECU staff meetings (doesn't always get done though);
- coleading TEAM Unileavers with Pete;
- occasionally writing The Page;
- song leading at church;
Ministries I'd like to be doing next year:
- meeting up with at least one girl from Petersham Evening Church to read the Bible and pray;
- meeting up with an old friend from primary school to read the Bible and pray;
- doing Introducing God with someone;
- writing
I have no idea if that's manageable.
New church
If you're in a new church, give yourself time to get involved in a church in a helpful manner, eg. scheduling your time so you're not always doing work stuff.
Yes, good advice—especially when we join Petersham Evening Church. I've never been to an independent church before. Naomi was telling us all about last Friday and it sounded so different to the Anglican churches I've grown used to (and the Baptist ones too for that matter—my first ever church was Baptist). There's no creed and no confession, and they have coffee in the middle of the service. And everyone eats dinner together afterwards.
Time with God
How much time do you spend with God? When Ingrid was at Uni, she could spend anywhere up to 2 hours reading her Bible and praying. Now she's doing well if she gets 20 minutes. Schedule in time with God and be realistic. In your Bible reading, balance heavy commentaries with lighter devotionals.
On a good day, I get 20 minutes a day. Lately, however, I've been averaging maybe 40 minutes a week. Not good at all. I think I really need to go to bed earlier so that I will wake up earlier and be more diligent in doing it.
Help
Make a deal with a friend to keep in touch with you and to ask you how you're going in your job. It's also helpful if you have a friend in the same field as you who can tell you what is normal work standards, eg. hours, pay, etc.
I wonder who I could ask ...?
Lunch
Use your lunch breaks helpfully. Because Ingrid is in counselling which is high in people intensity, she spends her lunch hour reading a book and not talking to anyone. If you're spending all day sitting down, go for a walk.
Apparently Moore College food is very good so the walk thing is a very good idea.
Being sick
Figure out how many sick days you are entitled to early instead of having to frantically find that information later when you are unwell.
At Moore, they tape the lectures for you if you're sick which is really nice.
Blinks:
A way of funding writing in the future: pitch and idea and get people to support it.
Place where you can hire play equipment for parties, etc.
How to recalibrate the home button on your iPhone.
Unsolicited manuscripts accepted by Pan Macmillan with certain conditions.
Thought Balloon is a group blog in which the writers tackle a new theme every week? month? with one-page scripts. This URL is for their Phonogram ones.
How to sew a zipper on a knitted garment.
Issues organised by tale.
|
|
Disqus comments
Other comments
where will u be staying?
A couple of streets away from you, actually!
Hey! No fair! I want to see the Toulmin version Ingrid. We haven’t been able to catch up with them yet. (Well, except for the day that she became the Toulmin version Ingrid, and that doesn’t really count…)
wow u serious
yipee. 
/me smiles !!!
which place will u be at ? ur mum’s or where ken is staying atm?
Neither—two blocks up from my mum at my aunt’s house.
Guanburger, I haven’t seen the Toulmin version of Ingrid either. I didn’t even get to see her become a Toulmin!
Is this Toulmin as in family of Matt and Donna as in my old flatmate Donna?
No, as in Mike who used to go to UNSW.
Erin, /Karen/: Actually it is. There’s a few Toulmins and they’re all related (well, maybe not all). Matt from Matt and Donna is Mike’s oldest brother. (And there’s also a Jeremy and Steve - there’s plenty of Toulmin to go round.)
Oh, there you go!
Hahahaha!
I’ve seen the Toulmin version of Ingrid, albeit only briefly, and not at the en-Toulmining of her.
Yay me
——
On the advice end… if you’re NOT a counsellor, but a humble computer programmer and don’t spend all your time with people, go talk to people during your lunch break. It does you a world of good