When one has depression and one likes movies, it is useful to have an arsenal of movies with which one can cheer oneself up. These are “comfort” films—feel-good but not necessarily because they are of the feel-good genre. They may even be carthartic in some sense because watching movies isn't entirely about escapism—sometimes, as Chesterton said, it is about learning how to beat the dragons. You may want to criticise me for the amount of time I am spending sitting in front of the box—go ahead—but the truth is I am worse than useless when I am down; my abilities narrow down to practically nothing. To get out of the hole, I need to open a door. Sometimes it's books. More often than not, it's movies (ultimate passive activity ... sit there and stare and you don't have to think). Often it's just a coping mechanism.
So, tell me (since I haven't been getting that many comments lately [lie: no comments = no friends] and I'm sure you're all dying to tell me what you think), what are you comfort films? What are the ones that cheer you up? (Please note that comfort films may be completely different to favourite films; I love the Trois Couleurs trilogy but I won't watch it when I'm sad ... though maybe I'd watch Bleu if I was really sad.) I'm still adding to my collection but here are some of mine:
I think I would probably add The Princess Diaries and Kate and Leopold if I owned them but not owning them means you don't usually have access to them when you're sad so there isn't much point.
seen: Moon 15/10/2009
read: The Incredibles 11/10/2009
seen: She's the Man 05/10/2009
read: I Kill Giants (Joe Kelly and J. M. Ken Niimura) 04/10/2009
read: Astro City The Dark Ages Book 1: Brothers and Other Strangers (Kurt Busiek, Brent Anderson and Alex Ross) 04/10/2009
seen: Children of Men 02/10/2009
seen: Metric (The Metro) 30/09/2009
seen: 500 Days of Summer 25/09/2009
seen: The September Issue 18/09/2009
seen: Gilmore Girls: Season 1 17/09/2009
read: Flight (Volume 1) (edited by Kazu Kibuishi) 16/09/2009
seen: Ponyo 11/09/2009
read: Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? (Neil Gaiman and Andy Kubert) 05/09/2009
heard: Aimee Mann (Enmore Theatre) 04/09/2009
heard: Ben Folds Solo (Opera House) 31/08/2009
read: Phonogram: Rue Britannia (Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie) 26/08/2009
seen: Northanger Abbey 20/08/2009
read: The Princess Diaries (Meg Cabot) 18/08/2009
seen: The Phantom of the Opera 17/08/2009
seen: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? 10/08/2009
seen: District 9 10/08/2009
read: Shortcomings (Adrian Tomine) 02/08/2009
read: AIR Volume 1: Letters from Lost Countries (Willow Wilson and M.K. Perker) 28/07/2009
seen: Persepolis 25/07/2009
seen: Ghost Town 25/07/2009
heard: Gutter Twins (Seymour Centre) 23/07/2009
seen: Coco Avant Chanel 20/07/2009
seen: Gutenberg! The Musical (Seymour Centre) 16/07/2009
seen: So You Think You Can Dance? Australia Live Tour (Sydney Entertainment Centre) 11/07/2009
seen: Every Little Step 07/07/2009
seen: Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen 03/07/2009
seen: Synecdoche, New York 30/06/2009
seen: Charlie's Angels 27/06/2009
seen: Penelope 26/06/2009
seen: Coraline 10/06/2009
seen: The Sky Crawlers 08/06/2009
seen: The Bourne Ultimatum 07/06/2009
seen: The Bourne Supremacy 07/06/2009
seen: The Bourne Identity 06/06/2009
seen: Stick it 05/06/2009
I don’t think it’s exclusively the change of temperature: young babies like to be cuddled up (or wrapped in a blanket or similar) as they adjust to being on the outside after so long being wrapped up on the inside.
Oh yeah, it makes perfect sense that babies would cry if you put them in a cold bed! I totally never thought of that!
I love your posts, they are so fascinating! :D
Oh Jess! There are so many good things about Sydney
Looks like really nice adventures! I don’t really think of Sydney as a place to explore.. hmm.. you have opened my mind up to The Staycation.
I get depressed at the adrenaline crash also because then I have time to think about how shitty everything is lol.
Hmm...food for thought indeed. V. interesting, thank you for posting
lol! Karen, you’re so frank and I love it. “the non-constipating kind” of iron pills. hahaha.
i know how hard it is to not tell people the sex of your baby. I am tempted to tell strangers or acquaintances what you’re having because, as Ben reasoned with the waiter, I’ll either never see them again or it’s not like their going to tell anyone of consequence.
Thanks Kathleen! Glad you’re finding them interesting!
These posts are fascinating, Karen, and I’m happy/sad for you.
Hey Little! One of the things that astounds me is that people all over the world give birth everyday in different circumstances, and they seem to get through it. Maybe all the bells and whistles of the western world are simply that—bells and whistles, and things we do to make ourselves feel better about such a painful and momentous occurrence. I’m sure Mongolia has its own ways of looking after their expectant mums!
Great post, Karen.
As I said to you last Friday: the Toturo thing is gorgeous!
Thanks for posting about the changing relationships between friends. I’ve been struggling to come to terms with my best friend’s relationship with her boyfriend and the loss I feel. It’s been 18mths now, but I guess it’s taking longer for me to deal with because he’s not something we talk about and I don’t often see them together. However, it’s still known. It’s good to know I’m not alone or going crazy or whatever.
Also, thanks for the updates on Peanut. Can’t wait to meet him/her!
I think that your child will one day be thankful that they can read about what their mother was thinking. They won’t have to wonder if you’ve forgotten anything or just telling the good things! I think the positives are more believable when accompanied by the negatives, that’s just more realistic.
The PGP sounds really hard! Also not something that people talk about, so is it hard to get understanding from people when you need to go a little slower? Though perhaps they just expect that of pregnant women… gah, there are so many steps at MM! :(
I worry about the money stuff too… though I guess in Mongolia maybe they won’t do all those medical things so I won’t have to pay for them!
Keep blogging! You know I’m fascinated. ;p
Thanks Miriam! That’s good to know!
Hi Karen,
Thanks for the long update. It sounds like you are experiencing very common emotions (high and low) of first-time expectant mothers.
In answer to your question about breastfeeding in 5mins - that’s pretty common. In the first few weeks as both you and baby are learning how to feed (it takes a while to get the hang of it)feeding takes a little while (about an hour for me and Alex). This was actually a blessing for me as it meant I could sit and rest for that period of time, 5 or 6 times a day! Lovely, especially as it was such a tiring time of my life, with all the adjusting that comes with the birth of a child.
The milk flow can be quite fast to begin with(often too fast for baby!) and it means they take in too much and then need to be burped, which all takes time. After awhile though your breasts will adjust and regulate themselves as they work out how much milk is needed. THey are amazing the way they work. They actually feel quite soft and empty after a few weeks and lots of new mums worry that they don’t hvae enough milk, but it is very normal, and just means your body has regulated the amount of milk it makes.
Check out the Australian Breastfeeding Association webpage - it is full of excellent information. I would recommend joining the association - you receive a magazine every 2 months, which is filled with wonderful articles. I found it very helpful (and still do after 3 years of feeding). A great bit of reading to have in your hands while sitting down to feed. You also receive an excellent book “Breastfeeding....naturally” which answers just about any question you may have about breastfeeding. I read it many many times!
Mim
Congratulations again - and it is very interesting to hear what happens!
@Sarah: Thanks for the tip RE Australian Breastfeeding Association! I never would have thought to look there. Ditto KMart: I was wondering if they did since Target don’t.
@Rae: Thanks for the tip! I’ll check it out.
@Little Rachel: Oh, I’ll definitely be up for visitors! I may not be very good company (brain-dead, etc.) but I’ll certainly appreciate visits!
@Rachel C: CONGRATS!!! So excited for you
Yours sounds like a good philosophy. One day I shall have to blog about Outliers!
@CafeDave: Thanks for the tip!
@Elissa: Thanks for your kind words! It makes me happy that you and Dave were excited we were getting married! Thanks also for the prayers!
@Elsie: There are lots of other lovely things I could have said about you, but let’s not overload my readers, shall we? ;P
Aww...thanks for the lovely things you said about me! I enjoyed reading this post (as I do with all yours). xo
Congratulations to you both. I know you will be such wonderful parents. You sound WAY too sensible!
(Sorry to read that there were some unusual comments made about your marriage! We thought it was exciting. We still have a lovely photo of you & Ben in our lovely box of special memories. (I was only 22 when married & I was 30 when we had Bonnie...)
Everyone is different! I nodded through your post. SO many people feel the curious need to share their “horror stories” which is just dreadful. I remember complaining to David who said - go find people who are positive & listen to them. Great advice, which I did. Those people still have a big place in my heart because their advice was honest & gentle.
Bless you & Ben & the little Peanut. We pray all goes smoothly over the coming weeks/months ahead. We sometimes forget what a precious little miracle life really is…
Another book from the dad’s perspective I found helpful was From here to paternity - it’s an Australian book, and was followed up with a blog.
Hi!
I’m so excited for you reading your blog about being pregnant
I am 13 weeks pregnant with #2.
You’re so right about all the pessimism “advice” that you get. I got so mad about it but never found a good response. I’ve had such joy right from day one with E that I just don’t want to buy into the negativity (I’m sure kids pick up on it too!).
My philosophy was/is to be a relaxed mum and from that figure out what was best for my baby/child. Get advice when you’re not sure on things or want to know how other people approached things, read books (loved Outliers!) that aren’t all about parenting… but just enjoy.
In a sample size of one to date, I’ve had such a happy, chilled out son right from day one. People say all the craziest advice… glad you don’t do guilt
With love,
R
Thanks so much for writing more! I love hearing how you’re going and all your thoughts.
After watching my sister I agree with you that it seems the first six months are perhaps the hardest. She got quite lonely at home all day; weekends were all right because then her husband was around but it’s just as you say… one feed ends then the next begins! If you are accepting visitors during this period then I hope to use some RDOs to come have grown-up conversations!
The book review of The Second Nine Months makes me want to read it now!
Names: We have one girl name that we both like and no boy names that we agree on. But they are also top-secret… so if anyone else uses them we can’t accuse them of theft!
Yay Peanut, keep on growing, can’t wait to meet you!
Hello! Thanks for sharing
I loved reading your pregnancy update! I am glad to hear that things are all going pretty well, and I hope the rest of your 2nd trimester is as good.
I just wanted to add, that some other blokes decided that there was not much for the fathers-t0-be, and made a couple of DVD’s just for expectant dads. They are called ‘Being Dad’and i think they are available at big W. I have both though, if you would like me to send them!
Just wanted to wish you all the best!
Love
Rae
re: gluten: no idea!! I didn’t have to go on that diet - it was probably related to the test I didn’t do.
At the risk of adding to your list of advice:
Re: maternity bras - because I’m big I had to look hard for something nice in my size and discovered the Australian Breastfeeding Association. They have a massive range online and most are (dare I say it) sexy.
Re: maternity clothes - Kmart have a nice range of basic stuff.. I only found out towards the end of pregnancy and I would have liked to know earlier!
Re: Parenting classes - if you’re at RPA you can just ring the midwives section (they’ll put you through) and ask directly.
Congratulations again
Don’t laminate your ultrasound picture
That is my advice.
Congratulations! This is so fantastic!
Thanks so much for sharing all of this… people swap engagement stories but rarely pregnancy stories! And it’s kind of similar don’t you think, all this excitement leading up to a big day!
So happy for you guys! Actually never been more excited for anyone except my sister! I think it’s because I think that you will both be amazing parents and love the idea that someone could grow up in your family.
Looking forward to many more posts on the topic.
Lovely news, Karen.
Thanks everyone! I will be sure to ask for help when I need it!
Great pic!! Peanut is cute! :D
Praying for you all!
xx
:D
I had a similar sort of morning sickness.. except I threw up! I’m suitably impressed that you coped OS.. that must have been tough.
It sounds like you’re doing marvelously otherwise!
Book recommendation on something a bit less technical and a bit more human: ‘Birth’ http://www.birthnet.com.au/
Praise be to God indeed! Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
Congratulations, Beilharzen! Welcome to the slightly-bewildering world of pregnancy (and birth...and children...). God has blessed you greatly with this new life. We’ll be praying for Peanut’s growth and development, and for you guys as you prepare.
I’m sure you’re surrounded by baby veterans, but always happy to help with books/advice/recommendations/listening.
B&L;
Excellent job Karen! You SHOULD be pleased with yourself!
Have you discovered http://www.ravelry.com ? It is an excellent site with thousands of free patterns in its database, lots of support, tips, forums etc and of course - friends like me? Look me up when you get there - fionag77
PS Are you just wearing a bulky dress or are you sporting a bump under that dress?
oooh.... It’s done and it looks great on you! xxx
Well done on all that hard work! It looks great and will be very snuggly come winter!
Thanks for letting me know, Timo!
Hi there,
Thanks for pointing out the shortcoming on our website. I’ll pass it on to my colleagues and hopefully it will be rectified soon.
The documentary at Fashioning Now was by Holly Kaye-Smith; I’d be more than happy to put you in touch with her if you’d like.
Again, thanks for the comment, much appreciate it!
Kind regards,
Timo Rissanen
Thanks Mark! Much appreciated!
Via WhipUp. Easy: takes 5 min.
Jamie S Rich's advice on how to break into comics.
Via Mike Hyam. Parenting advice: how to raise your children in the Lord as a father.
Cheaper than a nursing home and they allow the elderly to stay in their own homes. Plus their children have peace of mind, knowing whether or not their parent has gotten out of bed, eaten, etc. But there are privacy concerns with such surveillance, and resistance from some of the elderly. Some love it though.
Via Luke Stevens. Father put photos of his baby son online 10 years ago and now finds out that the photo has spawned a Japanese meme.
Andy Schmidt's advice to artists and writers on how to break into comics.
Changing nightmares into dreams through therapy--particularly for PTSD patients.
Students sharing dorm rooms are increasingly bad at communicating with one another face-to-face and dealing with conflict. University administrators have spent more time trying to get them to negotiate and work things out. The parents are now more involved as well. Administrators changing procedures to get the students to own the process.
Via George. On empathy, men and women, the importance of empathy, empathy vs sympathy, and the effect the internet has on our relationships.
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Comments
hurrah! your first six are top of my list too.
finally someone else who will defend centre stage (sorry ben!). this is my perfect sick-day movie, i had to actually buy it on DVD because i’d rented it so many times and didn’t want to get the condescending look from the video store people anymore. as one who has absolutely no grace in the dance area, it’s a total vicarious pleasure (though I agree with you about jodie and cooper sleeping together...and the set changes in the last dance sequence bug me, but that’s only because i’m a reformed director/stage manager and am looking at it from a ‘that’s completely impossible to do in that amount of time’ point of view, which misses the whole point of the escapism).
when harry met sally is one of my favourite films of all time. love legally blonde 1, legally blonde 2 felt like the exact same movie only in washington and with gay pets. love sense and sensibility (and it’s the only DVD my mum owns so we always watch it together when feeling flat). you didn’t include pride and prejudice - because it’s TV? or you didn’t like it?
my shameful admission is the pinnacle of cheerleading cheesiness - bring it on. it is just so alien to my whole experience of high school, and, indeed...life. but there is absolutely nothing in it you need to engage with, and who can resist the spirit fingers?
also, 10 things i hate about you. ok, i’ll stop now.
(i know we’re about movies here, but i’ve found lately, when down, boxed sets of tv shows can be good, although they have the tendency to suck time and you realise you’ve been sitting there for hours. current faves are scrubs, gilmore girls, seachange. west wing is an obsession, but i usually have to be more switched on to watch it, although it is possible to just let the rapid fire dialogue just wash over you in waves and be comforted that even when you think you’re stressed, your life is nowhere near that stressful)
Hmmm...pick me up movies?
Well, I frequently return to the 10-part “Band of Brothers” series. I’ve read the book multiple times as well. The courage of those guys really inspires me. Production values on the series are just amazing as well.
I give “Starship Troopers” a run every now and again too. Its one of my favourites. Fun satire and lots of exciting action.
Since my video machine is broken and my DVD drive never worked, I don’t really watch movies on my own timetable… but I am trying to think of which ones I’m happy to watch over and over on TV…
Actually, I like Save The Last Dance. ;p
And I LOVE When Harry Met Sally too. Also Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail. (I wrote Male then...)
Umm… yeah, 10 Things I Hate About You… Turner and Hooch, Clueless… gah, not sure, this is a hard exercise!
On TV at the moment I watch Grey’s Anatomy, Cold Case and House if Bible study is cancelled to switch off. ;p
I have to agree...Centre Stage is a brilliant pick me up film, and it’s completely about the dancing. Ballet captivates me and lets me complete ignore the realities of life, expecially when thinking about life just brings tears. 10 things is also a fave, and luckily my husband and I both agree with this one so we can enjoy the movie together and then we whack on the soundtrack and dance around our living room.
With TV shows, I have to rate Frasier as one of my all time favourites (closely followed by seachange, expecially the Diver Dan era). The appeal of Frasier is basically the laughs, but they aren’t your typical trashy american laughs, they’re deep in the belly laughs that keep making you smile even after the shows finished. Unfortunately the final Frasier show ever is on tonight (Channel 9, 7:30-9:00 if you’re interested
) and the thought of life without new Frasier episodes every Tuesday is a little bit much to bear (as sad as that may seem to some), so I’m trying not to think about it, but there’s always the DVD’s. Thank goodness for DVD players
Toy Story 1 & 2, The Incredibles, heck, almost anything by Pixar. Also, This is Spinal Tap, and A Mighty Wind. Or, if I wasn’t feeling like a comedy, maybe Hero, Kill Bill, or Sin City.
there’s a movie of Persuasion?! I HAVE to get it!! I love the book sooo much.
One of my favourite pick-me-up-and-dust-me-off “movies” is the stage version of Pirates of Penzance with John English.
On holidays in primary school, we used to write this icky older version that was so vapid, but my brother and sister and I still absolutely adored the songs. Then, one day, we accidentally hired the John English version. It was fantastic!! Performing it at high-school has totally cemented the love affair. I turn it up loud loud loud and sing along, and laugh at all the corny jokes, and ogle my favourite pirate
it’s soooo much fun!
write! I can’t believe I said write!! I meant watch obviously.
oooh, and, I have to say, the main reason I love Sense and Sensibility is ALAN RICKMAN!!!! (I know, you may find that gross...)
And also, I recently discovered a movie that fits all my criteria for a perfect movie (http://clearandsimple.blogspot.com/2005/09/perfect-movies-and-shecret-ashashin.html) it’s called “The Abduction Club” and is based on real events in Ireland in the late 1700’s. To all those Austen fans, I suggest you borrow. It’s a little amateurish in parts, but very sweet and fun. And of course, no sex scenes!!
Zulu, The Dish, Strictly Ballroom, The Englishman Who Went up a Hill and Came Down a Mountain.
Bec: Yes, I have problems with that set change too in Centre Stage. I didn’t include Pride and Prejudice (BBC series) because it’s not a movie and 6 hours is a little too long to take in the whole thing, even though it’s extremely well done. So I usually don’t watch it unless I know I have a lot of time to kill. But I do love it though and the cast is absolutely brilliant. Haven’t seen the new one yet.
Bring it On ... only saw the whole thing recently!! Boy, was it cheesy! I liked Eliza Dushku’s character (did you know she was the daughter in True Lies??)—much more interesting than Kirsten Dunst’s character and she drives a new VW Beetle
I like 10 Things I Hate About You—Julia Stiles plays an excellent bitchy Kat Stratford and Heath was a perfect complement (and isn’t it weird that David Krumholtz is now on Numbers??) but why didn’t he apologise at the end? He deceived her and then went out and bought her a guitar and that’s supposed to make it all right?? How can you have a relationship with someone on that basis??? (Okay, okay, I know, I’m overreacting ...)
Craig: Starship Troopers: now that is cheesy!! And what is wrong with Dizzy—that death scene where she says to Rico, “It’s okay because at least I had you!”
Ell: One of my friends is hugely into Frasier and Seachange too ... perhaps I should give them a try ...
Joanna: You should definitely get your hands on Persuasion—it’s well worth the price. So far, the only place I’ve ever seen it on DVD has been Kinokuniya opposite the Town Hall.
Hmm...generally movies aren’t my “pick-me-up” - usually its music and music DVDs (not that I own that many...). I’d probably watch my Manics DVD or Travis.
But I wouldn’t mind coming over to watch movies with you one day
Joanna - Alan Rickman eh? Interesting...at least you’re honest! I like Paul Rudd in Clueless
I’ve only seen that movie once tho’. Wouldn’t mind watching it again!
Alan Rickman isn’t bad—I quite like him as Colonel Brandon, such a decent fellow. Unfortunately I cannot get over his performance as the Rev Obadiah Slope in The Barchester Chronicles ... the man is very good at being the greasy oily type ...
Hmm.. I dont think its that simple for me… It depends on the mood im in which I will watch… Like if im sad cause of girl troubbles for example, that eliminates a whole bunch of movies… That said, it would be something from the folowing list (If it wasn’t a computer game
)
Princess Bride
Aladdin
Clue
Fifth Element
Flash Goden (If im feeling particularly cheezy)
Office Space
Wild Wild West
Pirates Of the Carribean
Sky Captian and the world of tomorrow
A Knights Tale
The Itallian Job
Oceans Eleven
Hackers
Starship Troopers
Matt
hmm, haven’t seen the Barchester Chronicles, but yeah, Rickman is very good at being very icky. I mean hello! Snape!!! (although, me and a friend at college adore him as Snape too! Is there something wrong with us?!!
And thanks Karen, I’ll look around for the DVD
A few of mine:
Before Sunrise/Before Sunset
Much Ado About Nothing
old episodes of Press Gang
Pride & Prejudice
Anne of Green Gables
The Piano (if i’m really morose)
ps. no, you don’t know me Karen… but i do enjoy your blog, & i know Anita N. =)
Hi Karen,
Love your choice of movies. Will have to see some of those you recommend!
And, by the way, to cognitively correct your thinking, no comments does not equal no friends!
Big hug sweetie…
George
Good on you George for picking that up
I learn magic tricks and show my friends, like making objects appear and disappear. Its a fun way to relate with and enjoy!
You and Ben should learn Salsa with me at Leichardt...good fun!
I know what you mean about needing to open a door, sometimes distraction is really helpful. Firefly (as in the Joss Whedon tv show that Serenity follows on from, not the ABC one about firefighters) is a really good escape for me because I find it really warm.
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