/karen/

He needs me

Monday, 03 March, 2003

It's funny how you think you are making the “wise” decision and then several months later you find that the decision you made wasn't really the “wise” one. I made the commitment several months ago to stay on at UNSW until the end of March because my chief responsibilities were graduations and the timetable and I knew that the busy period for both these tasks was between December and March. I didn't want to leave my current manager (whom I love) in a lurch. I also was worried about money, given that we were about to attempt a very expensive move involving our beloved but extremely heavy piano. I also didn't want to have so many changes at once. And now I find that perhaps it would have been better if I had quit at the end of last year, the same as Ben. The Faculty Office could have survived; we did when my predecessor had to quit because of a death in the family. Perhaps I could have found work and started MTS properly. I would have been around when Ben was adjusting to his new life as a trainee. I would have been able to support him more and seen what he was going through so he wouldn't feel so alone. (Knowing team members is not the same as being friends with them.) I would be less tired and cranky (though maybe not). I would have been there when my husband needed me. But I didn't know all this back then. Perhaps I should have guessed but I'm not very smart about these things. Should someone have warned me? Was my reasoning not sound enough? We didn't know it would be this way and maybe we couldn't have known that it would be this way. It makes me sad to see Ben so sad. One month to go.

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