Hospitality: Ainsley Poulos’ elective at the 2004 eQUIP conference
Sunday, 22 August, 2004
As promised, I've finally typed up my notes.
1. What does the Bible have to say?
Below is a list to every single reference to “hospitality in the Bible”:
- “There was an estate nearby that belonged to Publius, the chief official of the island. He welcomed us to his home and for three days entertained us hospitably.” (Acts 28:7): “Us” refers to Paul. Publius used his own resources to do this. The heart of hospitality is generosity which is the heart of Christianity (2 Corinthians 8-9).
- “Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” (Romans 12:13): All Christians are supposed to do it. Is hospitality just to be done for Christians only? Hospitality involves sharing, looking after and helping people. It has a welfare focus.
- “Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach ...” (1 Timothy 3:2): Hospitality is not just a female thing. Men are to do it as well. In particular, it's a characteristic that elders need to have. Elders are people worth watching. We should all strive to be like elders. Therefore we should all be hospitable.
- “No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.” (1 Timothy 5:9-10): Being hospitable is part of practising good deeds. A widow must have been hospitable to be put on the widows' list.
- “An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Since an obverseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined.” (Titus 1:6-8): As said before, elders need to be hospitable.
- “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:2): “Entertaining strangers” and being a “lover of strangers” come from the same Greek word.
- “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” (1 Peter 4:9): Don't grumble while you're doing it!
2. What is hospitality?
Hospitality is loving strangers! Showing hospitality to strangers is looking after those in need. It's a lot harder than we think!
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” (Galatians 6:9-10)
Do whatever is necessary to extend love, kindness and frendship. Often this will revolve around food but it doesn't have to. (Food can mean STRESS!) Hospitality does not necessarily have to be costly in money or in time.
3. Where do we find people?
There are newcomers at church. There are people visiting the church. There are people we don't know in the congregation. We can make them feel welcome by doing something together during the week or whatever. Work at enfolding these people in the congregation. It starts with us.
4. Hospitality vs. entertaining
Hospitality is other-person-centred. Entertaining is selfish glorification. Entertaining puts things before people. Hospitality is about using what you have to serve God. Do you want to impress people or express relationship? Be hospitable but not entertainers. This is a liberating thought and makes it possible for us all to be hospitable!
5. Before you start
i. standards
We need to lower our standards. This will set the tone for everyone else in the congregation. Showing love is not loving show, eg. it is not necessary to prepare a gourmet feast.
ii. circumstances
Don't let your circumstances limit you or be an excuse. Work within them. Work out your threshhold. What is manageable for you? You'll find out by trial and error. Take into account all the stuff that is already in your life. You dn't need to become close friends with everyone you're hospitable to.
ii. goals
What do you want to achieve? Do you want to get to know the church? Do you want to enfold new members of the congregation? Do you want to really to know someone better?
6. Tips—general
Work within the culture you're in.
Brunch is the best time—you can do hospitality in the morning and it's over by lunch.
i. children
Borrow or buy toys for other people's kids that they can play with. If you've got another family, think through your goals. Plan what the kids will do. If you go to a park, that will cater for all different ages.
ii. finish time
Work out your finishing time before it all starts. Also work out how you will enforce it. If you do this, you will be able to extend hospitality again because you will not become resentful. How can you stick to your time frame? Flag what you're doing afterwards to your guests so that they know your time is limited. Have a visitors' book (“Before you go, could you please sign our visitors' book?”) Or pray (“Before you go, how can we pray for you?”).
iii. cleaning
Pray that God will make you less obsessed with immaculate house syndrome. It's very stressful. Work at having a home that people feel comfortable in, not a perfect house. Then immaculate house syndrome will not be perpetuated onto your guests.
iv. ownership
Recognise who owns our stuff: God. If we have something out that breaks, accept it. Remember the doctrine of God's sovereignty.
v. people who don't know each other
Let them bring something. Not only does this reduce the stress on you, allow them to let others bring things when they practise hospitality, but it also gives them something to talk about. Conversation starters: swap holiday stories, “How did you meet each other?”, “How did you get into your field of work?”, etc. Have board games or other games. Variety brings insight into people's personalities.
Tips—Food
i. Ask people to bring things
This is not the Ainsley show. Asking people to bring things decreases the cost and stressf for you. It also helps them to let people bring things as well.
ii. Cook low fat
Your hospitality will show over time in your waistline! Biscotti is a good thing to serve.
iii. Cook en mass
Cook en mass so you can make three or four meals and put them in the freezer. They can be microwaved and eaten. You can even give them away to people in need. It's quick and easy.
iv. Great stand bys
Popcorn! Remember coffee and tea goes off. Herbal teas are good.
v. BBQ
You can even BBQ chicken!
vi. Good recipes
Once you've got something good and easy, flog it to death. This takes the stress away. Pasta dishes are also cheap. (Ainsley said that if one of her circle of friends finds a good recipe, she shares it with all the others.)
vii. Desserts
You can prepare these in advance so don't spend your whole time in the kitchen. Just make sure the presentation is good!
8. Where to start
Don't say “I can't cook.” Find out what makes easy simple fast meals.
i. watch
Watch others while they cook.
ii. mistakes
Mistakes help your cooking to get better.
iii. takeaway
Negatives: Takeaway is expensive and can be fattening. It can also send the wrong message to people. Positives: People are fed, it's not showy, it's a time-saver if you can afford it.
iv. share
Share ideas with each other. Help each other in your church community.
v. easy
Easy recipes and cookbooks: Women's Weekly, Quick and Easy magazines, Donna Hays, Stephanie Alexander's The Cook's Companion, Jamie Oliver. Nigella is often fattening.
9. One Thing I will do in the next 8 weeks
Appendix: Ainsley's Food Tips
- Let people bring things. This is helpful for a few reasons:
- It tells them that you're not putting on a show and it also decreases the cost and stress for you.
- It helps them to let people bring things also.
- Make sure the food is loow fat, because if you really practise hospitality lots, over time it will start to show!
- After dinner, get acquainted with biscotti with coffee (vs. chocolate biscuits)—they're the lowest fat biscuits you're likely to find.
- When you cook, cook in mass so you can freeze some. Then you'll always have food for people who just drop in or people who need a meal given to them.
- Popcorn in the cupboard or raisin toast in the freezer are great cheap standbys. Good for Bible study suppers.
- Even if you're not a coffee or tea drinker, serve others and stock some in an airtight container (yes coffee and tea go stale). It's also good to have herbal teas on hand.
- Recipes that involve BBQ-ing are great, because half the people go outside, instead of watching you in the kitchen.
- When you find a recipe that's a real winner, flog it to death—until, your flat mate/husband begs you to stop. It takes so much stress out of having people over.
- There are so many desserts that can be prepared in advance—stick to them. Otherwise you spend the whole night in the kitchen and it defeats the purpose of what you're trying to do. Most cakes freeze well. If you make them in a Baba tin or ring tin, you can usually take them out of the freezer, cut them and put the rest back, bring it out for the next visitors.
- In summer, ice-cream cakes are a real hit. You can prepare them a week in advance and slice off as much as you need, then still have desserts for your next visitors.
- The key to good desserts is good presentation, so the simplest things work—grilled fruits in season arranged nicely on a place with a scoop of icing/ricotta cheese, etc. always looks great and is low fat and simple.
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