How to organise events
Tuesday, 09 February, 2010
I'm worried this post will come across as extra cranky. Certainly I feel a bit cranky. But that could also be attributed to sickness (I've had a sore throat for the past three days now) and fatigue (I keep dozing off and then I'm abruptly awakened by noise—construction, planes, doors closing, lawnmowers, children screaming, etc.) It's also hot and sticky today, but I don't mind that as much.
Furthermore, sickness and fatigue is making me feel tired at the prospect of having to do all these things I have to do. Some are self-imposed (so we will disregard them at present); some are out of duty. Some involve catching up with people. It's the catching up with people part I want to talk about today.
See, for years (probably ever since I started this blog) people have been telling me that I'm one of the busiest people they know. I've since worked out that that actually isn't the case; they are often just as busy as I am (or even busier), but their time is spent on different things, and the thought of doing what they do plus the things I do makes them feel like I'm the one who is so busy.
Anyway, because they think I'm so busy, often they will say, “Let's catch up. Let us know when you're free.” Which puts the onus on me because I'm the busy one.
Furthermore, I am (just quietly) freakishly good at organising events. (Not as good at conferences; that's a whole other art form. But social events, yes.) I guess when you're so busy, you have to be good at that sort of thing, otherwise you will never see the people you want to see and do the things you want to do.
This means the often the onus really falls on me. And then I get sick of it and contemplate becoming a hermit because I'm sick of organising things for other people.
I think, “Why can't they organise it themselves? If they want to see me, they should take the bull by the horns and arrange it; why is it my job?” And then it strikes me: they can't. Organising events is a skill that, I'm beginning to suspect, many people don't have.
So let me share with you how I do it. (NB: I'm sure there are lots of other ways. Ben's preferred method is, “I'm not doing anything tonight so I'm going to ring around and see if anyone else is not doing anything tonight, and then we'll do something”. But this is my way.)
- Decide what sort of event it's going to be. Dinner at your place? Going to see a particular movie? Meeting for coffee to catch up? Your birthday party? Obviously what it is will determine venue and time of day. If it's a particular movie you're hoping to see with particular friends, you need to make sure the movie is still showing. Note that most cinema releases only stay at the box office for a couple of weeks. (Unless they do as well as Avatar; then they run for months!)
- Who do you want to do this with? If it's one person, it's going to be easier to organise; if it's more than one, it will get more complicated. The more people that are involved, the more complicated it will be. You may have to be prepared to go ahead without certain people—even if you schedule thing six months in advance. (Yes, I speak from experience; people have busy in lives, and they get invited to multiple events. Some events will trump yours, e.g. weddings, engagement parties, family birthdays, etc.)
- Sub-point: How many couples are involved? You'd think that couples would count as a unit but no; things with couples involve an extra layer of complication because they have to take the time to communicate and discuss their calendars. In some marriages, one person controls the diary; in others, both have their own and spend time every week comparing notes to make sure they both know what's going on. The latter system never worked for us: I used to carry a paper diary and I knew exactly when everything was; Ben also tried to carry a paper diary, but in the end he complained that he never knew what was going on. So we switched to Google Calendar, which has served us very well ever since. (Plus I can sync it with iCal and then with my phone.) Sure, we still have to talk about things, but it's a lot faster. Also, because we tend to use similar communication technologies, the discussions don't have to wait until a pertinent moment when we are actually in the same room. The point is, some couples are on the calendar ball; some need a lot of prodding. And some need repeated prodding.
- Look at your own calendar and work out when is good for you. That should always be your starting point: when is good for you? Obviously bear in mind there will be certain restrictions depending on who you want to do this thing with; if you're a stay-at-home mum and you want to hang out with friends who work full-time, it won't do much good to schedule stuff during the day (unless they're on annual leave or something). And obviously bear in mind the restrictions that the type of event will impose on you. Let's say for the sake of an example that you're trying to get a couple of friends over for dinner. This means an evening. Your friends work in high-pressure corporate jobs; this means weeknights are usually out (unless they precede a public holiday). So that leaves you Friday and Saturday nights, the most precious commodities in the calendar year. (Some would include Sundays but you have church on Sunday evenings so that doesn't work for you.) You look at your calendar and you pick four or five dates spanning the course of a month, trying to vary the times a little to give your friends choice: Friday 19th February, Saturday 27th February, Friday 5th March, Saturday 20th March. You avoid the times when you know you'll be busy, and you try to avoid the weeks when you already have too much on. But you also note the days when you could possibly do it if need be.
- Then you email your friends your list and see what works for them. (I like email; I realise some people would just call.) If you and your friends are web-savvy, you can use When is Good for this step. (I must insert the following caveat: I've only used it once, but for that event, I wasn't the organiser, and the event didn't end up happening.) Also, when you email your friends (and this is extremely important), give them a time limit on how long they have to respond. One week should be enough.
- Within that week, if you don't hear from some of your friends, that's when you start calling. Or IM-ing. Calling is better: it is one of the more efficient means of communication, and it puts the person on the spot so that they have to go away and check their diaries. Sometimes they can't, however, in which case, if they don't get back to you, you may have to chase them again. (I admit that here I get a bit callous and I may just give up on the person at that point and proceed without them because they may be having personal issues, or they may not see you as being important enough to catch up with and therefore won't make you a priority, and really, you can't chase someone forever. It really depends on how important the person is to you; if you are extremely keen to have them there, you'll rearrange your life a bit more around theirs.)
- Be prepared to compromise. If none of your suggested dates work for your friends, go to the plan B dates and try them. It may be that you end up scheduling the event at a time that is less convenient for you; I guess it depends on how important the relationship and the event is to you. Sometimes I have found myself doing too much in one week for precisely this reason, and have just weathered the consequences (or scheduled rest time afterwards).
- When you've finally agreed on a date, make sure everyone knows and that it's completely clear when and where. I once missed a friend's dinner party because I mistakenly thought it was the other week, when in fact it wasn't! (Fortunately I wasn't the only one who thought that so I didn't look completely foolish.) If your friends are the type that need reminding, send reminders. In addition, in those reminders, remember to include the following pertinent information:
- The time (even if you've told them before; people forget);
- What to bring (if relevant);
- Where the thing is (complete with Google Map links and directions, if need be);
- Your contact info if they don't have it already (so they know how to reach you if they're running late/have an accident/get sick and can't make it after all, etc.)
- If you know, how long you expect the thing to go for (e.g. this movie runs for 120 minutes).
- Any other relevant information (e.g. “I'll get us tickets beforehand” or “I have to dash straight afterwards to get to church” or “I'm keen to meet for coffee beforehand if anyone else is free; let me know”.)
- Obviously the best preparation in the world doesn't guarantee that things will go smoothly. People get lost (yes, even if you've already supplied them with directions). People get sick. You may get sick. Traffic grinds to a halt. Rain comes bucketing down. Expect that you may have to change your plans at the last minute, or even reschedule. It all comes down to good communication.
Current:
seen: Moon 15/10/2009
read: The Incredibles 11/10/2009
seen: She's the Man 05/10/2009
read: I Kill Giants (Joe Kelly and J. M. Ken Niimura) 04/10/2009
read: Astro City The Dark Ages Book 1: Brothers and Other Strangers (Kurt Busiek, Brent Anderson and Alex Ross) 04/10/2009
seen: Children of Men 02/10/2009
seen: Metric (The Metro) 30/09/2009
seen: 500 Days of Summer 25/09/2009
seen: The September Issue 18/09/2009
seen: Gilmore Girls: Season 1 17/09/2009
read: Flight (Volume 1) (edited by Kazu Kibuishi) 16/09/2009
seen: Ponyo 11/09/2009
read: Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? (Neil Gaiman and Andy Kubert) 05/09/2009
heard: Aimee Mann (Enmore Theatre) 04/09/2009
heard: Ben Folds Solo (Opera House) 31/08/2009
read: Phonogram: Rue Britannia (Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie) 26/08/2009
seen: Northanger Abbey 20/08/2009
read: The Princess Diaries (Meg Cabot) 18/08/2009
seen: The Phantom of the Opera 17/08/2009
seen: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? 10/08/2009
seen: District 9 10/08/2009
read: Shortcomings (Adrian Tomine) 02/08/2009
read: AIR Volume 1: Letters from Lost Countries (Willow Wilson and M.K. Perker) 28/07/2009
seen: Persepolis 25/07/2009
seen: Ghost Town 25/07/2009
heard: Gutter Twins (Seymour Centre) 23/07/2009
seen: Coco Avant Chanel 20/07/2009
seen: Gutenberg! The Musical (Seymour Centre) 16/07/2009
seen: So You Think You Can Dance? Australia Live Tour (Sydney Entertainment Centre) 11/07/2009
seen: Every Little Step 07/07/2009
seen: Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen 03/07/2009
seen: Synecdoche, New York 30/06/2009
seen: Charlie's Angels 27/06/2009
seen: Penelope 26/06/2009
seen: Coraline 10/06/2009
seen: The Sky Crawlers 08/06/2009
seen: The Bourne Ultimatum 07/06/2009
seen: The Bourne Supremacy 07/06/2009
seen: The Bourne Identity 06/06/2009
seen: Stick it 05/06/2009
Comment:
I don’t think it’s exclusively the change of temperature: young babies like to be cuddled up (or wrapped in a blanket or similar) as they adjust to being on the outside after so long being wrapped up on the inside.
Oh yeah, it makes perfect sense that babies would cry if you put them in a cold bed! I totally never thought of that!
I love your posts, they are so fascinating! :D
Oh Jess! There are so many good things about Sydney 
Looks like really nice adventures! I don’t really think of Sydney as a place to explore.. hmm.. you have opened my mind up to The Staycation.
I get depressed at the adrenaline crash also because then I have time to think about how shitty everything is lol.
Hmm...food for thought indeed. V. interesting, thank you for posting
lol! Karen, you’re so frank and I love it. “the non-constipating kind” of iron pills. hahaha.
i know how hard it is to not tell people the sex of your baby. I am tempted to tell strangers or acquaintances what you’re having because, as Ben reasoned with the waiter, I’ll either never see them again or it’s not like their going to tell anyone of consequence.
Thanks Kathleen! Glad you’re finding them interesting!
These posts are fascinating, Karen, and I’m happy/sad for you.
Hey Little! One of the things that astounds me is that people all over the world give birth everyday in different circumstances, and they seem to get through it. Maybe all the bells and whistles of the western world are simply that—bells and whistles, and things we do to make ourselves feel better about such a painful and momentous occurrence. I’m sure Mongolia has its own ways of looking after their expectant mums!
Great post, Karen.
As I said to you last Friday: the Toturo thing is gorgeous!
Thanks for posting about the changing relationships between friends. I’ve been struggling to come to terms with my best friend’s relationship with her boyfriend and the loss I feel. It’s been 18mths now, but I guess it’s taking longer for me to deal with because he’s not something we talk about and I don’t often see them together. However, it’s still known. It’s good to know I’m not alone or going crazy or whatever.
Also, thanks for the updates on Peanut. Can’t wait to meet him/her!
I think that your child will one day be thankful that they can read about what their mother was thinking. They won’t have to wonder if you’ve forgotten anything or just telling the good things! I think the positives are more believable when accompanied by the negatives, that’s just more realistic.
The PGP sounds really hard! Also not something that people talk about, so is it hard to get understanding from people when you need to go a little slower? Though perhaps they just expect that of pregnant women… gah, there are so many steps at MM! :(
I worry about the money stuff too… though I guess in Mongolia maybe they won’t do all those medical things so I won’t have to pay for them! 
Keep blogging! You know I’m fascinated. ;p
Thanks Miriam! That’s good to know!
Hi Karen,
Thanks for the long update. It sounds like you are experiencing very common emotions (high and low) of first-time expectant mothers.
In answer to your question about breastfeeding in 5mins - that’s pretty common. In the first few weeks as both you and baby are learning how to feed (it takes a while to get the hang of it)feeding takes a little while (about an hour for me and Alex). This was actually a blessing for me as it meant I could sit and rest for that period of time, 5 or 6 times a day! Lovely, especially as it was such a tiring time of my life, with all the adjusting that comes with the birth of a child.
The milk flow can be quite fast to begin with(often too fast for baby!) and it means they take in too much and then need to be burped, which all takes time. After awhile though your breasts will adjust and regulate themselves as they work out how much milk is needed. THey are amazing the way they work. They actually feel quite soft and empty after a few weeks and lots of new mums worry that they don’t hvae enough milk, but it is very normal, and just means your body has regulated the amount of milk it makes.
Check out the Australian Breastfeeding Association webpage - it is full of excellent information. I would recommend joining the association - you receive a magazine every 2 months, which is filled with wonderful articles. I found it very helpful (and still do after 3 years of feeding). A great bit of reading to have in your hands while sitting down to feed. You also receive an excellent book “Breastfeeding....naturally” which answers just about any question you may have about breastfeeding. I read it many many times!
Mim
Congratulations again - and it is very interesting to hear what happens!
@Sarah: Thanks for the tip RE Australian Breastfeeding Association! I never would have thought to look there. Ditto KMart: I was wondering if they did since Target don’t.
@Rae: Thanks for the tip! I’ll check it out.
@Little Rachel: Oh, I’ll definitely be up for visitors! I may not be very good company (brain-dead, etc.) but I’ll certainly appreciate visits!
@Rachel C: CONGRATS!!! So excited for you Yours sounds like a good philosophy. One day I shall have to blog about Outliers!
@CafeDave: Thanks for the tip!
@Elissa: Thanks for your kind words! It makes me happy that you and Dave were excited we were getting married! Thanks also for the prayers!
@Elsie: There are lots of other lovely things I could have said about you, but let’s not overload my readers, shall we? ;P
Aww...thanks for the lovely things you said about me! I enjoyed reading this post (as I do with all yours). xo
Congratulations to you both. I know you will be such wonderful parents. You sound WAY too sensible! 
(Sorry to read that there were some unusual comments made about your marriage! We thought it was exciting. We still have a lovely photo of you & Ben in our lovely box of special memories. (I was only 22 when married & I was 30 when we had Bonnie...)
Everyone is different! I nodded through your post. SO many people feel the curious need to share their “horror stories” which is just dreadful. I remember complaining to David who said - go find people who are positive & listen to them. Great advice, which I did. Those people still have a big place in my heart because their advice was honest & gentle.
Bless you & Ben & the little Peanut. We pray all goes smoothly over the coming weeks/months ahead. We sometimes forget what a precious little miracle life really is…
Another book from the dad’s perspective I found helpful was From here to paternity - it’s an Australian book, and was followed up with a blog.
Hi!
I’m so excited for you reading your blog about being pregnant I am 13 weeks pregnant with #2.
You’re so right about all the pessimism “advice” that you get. I got so mad about it but never found a good response. I’ve had such joy right from day one with E that I just don’t want to buy into the negativity (I’m sure kids pick up on it too!).
My philosophy was/is to be a relaxed mum and from that figure out what was best for my baby/child. Get advice when you’re not sure on things or want to know how other people approached things, read books (loved Outliers!) that aren’t all about parenting… but just enjoy.
In a sample size of one to date, I’ve had such a happy, chilled out son right from day one. People say all the craziest advice… glad you don’t do guilt
With love,
R
Thanks so much for writing more! I love hearing how you’re going and all your thoughts.
After watching my sister I agree with you that it seems the first six months are perhaps the hardest. She got quite lonely at home all day; weekends were all right because then her husband was around but it’s just as you say… one feed ends then the next begins! If you are accepting visitors during this period then I hope to use some RDOs to come have grown-up conversations!
The book review of The Second Nine Months makes me want to read it now!
Names: We have one girl name that we both like and no boy names that we agree on. But they are also top-secret… so if anyone else uses them we can’t accuse them of theft! 
Yay Peanut, keep on growing, can’t wait to meet you!
Hello! Thanks for sharing
I loved reading your pregnancy update! I am glad to hear that things are all going pretty well, and I hope the rest of your 2nd trimester is as good.
I just wanted to add, that some other blokes decided that there was not much for the fathers-t0-be, and made a couple of DVD’s just for expectant dads. They are called ‘Being Dad’and i think they are available at big W. I have both though, if you would like me to send them!
Just wanted to wish you all the best!
Love
Rae
re: gluten: no idea!! I didn’t have to go on that diet - it was probably related to the test I didn’t do.
At the risk of adding to your list of advice:
Re: maternity bras - because I’m big I had to look hard for something nice in my size and discovered the Australian Breastfeeding Association. They have a massive range online and most are (dare I say it) sexy.
Re: maternity clothes - Kmart have a nice range of basic stuff.. I only found out towards the end of pregnancy and I would have liked to know earlier!
Re: Parenting classes - if you’re at RPA you can just ring the midwives section (they’ll put you through) and ask directly.
Congratulations again
Don’t laminate your ultrasound picture That is my advice.
Congratulations! This is so fantastic!
Thanks so much for sharing all of this… people swap engagement stories but rarely pregnancy stories! And it’s kind of similar don’t you think, all this excitement leading up to a big day!
So happy for you guys! Actually never been more excited for anyone except my sister! I think it’s because I think that you will both be amazing parents and love the idea that someone could grow up in your family.
Looking forward to many more posts on the topic.
Lovely news, Karen.
Thanks everyone! I will be sure to ask for help when I need it!
Great pic!! Peanut is cute! :D
Praying for you all!
xx
:D
I had a similar sort of morning sickness.. except I threw up! I’m suitably impressed that you coped OS.. that must have been tough.
It sounds like you’re doing marvelously otherwise!
Book recommendation on something a bit less technical and a bit more human: ‘Birth’ http://www.birthnet.com.au/
Praise be to God indeed! Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
Congratulations, Beilharzen! Welcome to the slightly-bewildering world of pregnancy (and birth...and children...). God has blessed you greatly with this new life. We’ll be praying for Peanut’s growth and development, and for you guys as you prepare.
I’m sure you’re surrounded by baby veterans, but always happy to help with books/advice/recommendations/listening.
B&L;
Excellent job Karen! You SHOULD be pleased with yourself!
Have you discovered http://www.ravelry.com ? It is an excellent site with thousands of free patterns in its database, lots of support, tips, forums etc and of course - friends like me? Look me up when you get there - fionag77
PS Are you just wearing a bulky dress or are you sporting a bump under that dress?
oooh.... It’s done and it looks great on you! xxx
Well done on all that hard work! It looks great and will be very snuggly come winter!
Thanks for letting me know, Timo!
Hi there,
Thanks for pointing out the shortcoming on our website. I’ll pass it on to my colleagues and hopefully it will be rectified soon.
The documentary at Fashioning Now was by Holly Kaye-Smith; I’d be more than happy to put you in touch with her if you’d like.
Again, thanks for the comment, much appreciate it!
Kind regards,
Timo Rissanen
Thanks Mark! Much appreciated!
Blinks:
Via WhipUp. Easy: takes 5 min.
Jamie S Rich's advice on how to break into comics.
Via Mike Hyam. Parenting advice: how to raise your children in the Lord as a father.
Cheaper than a nursing home and they allow the elderly to stay in their own homes. Plus their children have peace of mind, knowing whether or not their parent has gotten out of bed, eaten, etc. But there are privacy concerns with such surveillance, and resistance from some of the elderly. Some love it though.
Via Luke Stevens. Father put photos of his baby son online 10 years ago and now finds out that the photo has spawned a Japanese meme.
Andy Schmidt's advice to artists and writers on how to break into comics.
Changing nightmares into dreams through therapy--particularly for PTSD patients.
Students sharing dorm rooms are increasingly bad at communicating with one another face-to-face and dealing with conflict. University administrators have spent more time trying to get them to negotiate and work things out. The parents are now more involved as well. Administrators changing procedures to get the students to own the process.
Via George. On empathy, men and women, the importance of empathy, empathy vs sympathy, and the effect the internet has on our relationships.
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