I went in to work around 9:30/10 am feeling very tired. I dealt with my email and Sola Panel things and my children of divorce article (I hammered out an outline). I had lunch at the Tea Inn with Elsie (BBQ pork and won ton noodles, with an almond milk tea with coconut fruit) as I hadn't brought any lunch. We didn't end up reading the Bible and praying, but we talked a lot about stuff—the theology of wealth and possessions, and how that squares with the temptations of the world. In the afternoon, I had my 15 minutes of fame with Tony and mentioned the whole home loan thing to him. It's good to know that other people also freak out slightly about borrowing enormous sums of money.

Tuesday 15/7/08

I got up at 8, had a shower, read my Bible over breakfast and prayed, and then we set off for the Customs House Library. There were lots of pilgrims on the train and around Circular Quay for World Youth Day. We went up to the third floor and sat on the white barstools near the windows overlooking the foyer. I tried to work on my children of divorce article but had huge troubles with the introduction (I think I was in the “Everything I write is rubbish and why would anyone want to read this?” stage. We went to have lunch at Wagamama (chicken ramen this time:

Yum!) and then came back, but it was no use. I knitted an Urchin hat instead. At 3, I bid Ben goodbye and walked towards Pitt St. I stopped off at the City Recital Hall at Angel Place and picked up tickets for the night's performance, then continued on to Greater Union on George St to see Get Smart which I wanted to see (and also I had to use up these movie vouchers my brother had given us for Christmas which expire in August). I wanted to get popcorn but a small is definitely not small; one person can't eat that much on their own (nor should they). So I didn't get anything, and munched on my Asian crackers and sipped my water.

The movie was fun but nothing special. I liked that Anne Hathaway was playing someone grown up for a change, instead of someone on the verge of adulthood. Afterwards, I ran into Liwen and Ramya in the foyer (they were on their way to see Mama Mia) and then on to the GPO at Martin Place. I went downstairs to the food court, found myself a table with enough light, and scribbled until Bec showed up, looking spiffing. We ordered food from Woodfired Pizza—a Caprese salad

and a prosciutto and funghi pizza:

Yum yum! And Bec looked over my children of divorce outline, and we compared notes on what the divorce experience was like for us (which made us both feel sad). I was feeling down about my article but then Bec said, “Well, I want to read it,” so that made me think I had to finish it, if only for her.

At 7:45 we headed over to the City Recital Hall for The Red Tree. I bought a program and Bec bought a copy of Shaun Tan's The Red Tree. The first half was the Australian Chamber Orchestra playing Shostakovitch with images from The Arrival projected onto the big screen. (Read Bec's account. I pretty much agree with what she said, with the only addition that I started falling asleep towards the end of it, and no wonder because every movement was adagio!)

We went out to stretch our legs during intermission. Bec flipped through the program and I flipped through The Red Tree.

Then it was back inside for the performance with music composed by Michael Yezersk.

Unlike the first half, the pictures matched the music more closely and it was beautiful—uplifting and sad, yet so very beautiful (though they left out the illustration of the girl drawing herself on the wall which was a shame). I hope they record it; I'd love to hear that music again.

Afterwards, we walked back towards Pitt St and parted ways—me to the station to catch the train home, and Bec to the buses.

Wednesday 16/7/08

Day off. Yet not so, given how little I accomplished the day before. I got up, had a shower, read my Bible over breakfast and prayed, and then got stuck into work—dealing with Sola Panel things, Faithful Writer things, work email things, different bits and pieces (like panicking because I realised I hadn't blocked the Henry scarf for my father, and going out and doing it) and blogging. Oh, and chatting to Bec on IM (Guan was away at MYC).

I was a bit out of it but nevertheless we were ready on time to drive down to Sylvania, and we even got to the restaurant (Masa) before my dad and Helena (a first!) Despite this being the third time in the space of about a week that I got to have Japanese food, I was not sick of it. (And it was delicious too! The sashimi was fresh and it practically melted in your mouth.) We talked property with them (because they're the ones who are urging us to think about buying). We also exchanged presents. The meal was finished off with green tea ice cream.

Then Ben and I drove home, and went to bed.

Thursday 17/7/08

I got up, had a shower, read my Bible over breakfast and prayed. Ben and I got into work at around 9:30, and I dealt with my email, Sola Panel things (I neglected to mention I was looking after comments while Gordo was on leave), Briefing things, Interchange, and so on. It was staff lunch day: since I had picked the song, Warren picked the lunch. We had Ben's Thai (I had sukiyaki) and then the staff tried to sing “Happy Birthday” to “Night and Day” by Cole Porter (Jess was the most successful at it!) We ate cheesecake topped with passionfruit puree.

In the afternoon, I went down to see Bec, and then went out to buy some vegetables for dinner. I really got stuck into my children of divorce article. I conquered the introduction and made some progress on the body (the logic was the trouble). We left at around 6:30, came home and I made rogan josh chicken with steamed broccoli and mushrooms. We watched taped The Simpsons, then both Law & Orders, then cleaned up and went to bed.

Friday 18/7/08

With all the road closures taking place for World Youth Day, I wasn't quite sure what the parking situation would be like around work. In any case, Ben needed the car to go to counselling, so it was easier to just work from home. I woke at around 8, had a shower, read my Bible over breakfast and prayed, and then got stuck into it (after dealing with Sola Panel things, positions vacant, email etc.) Slowly and painfully over the course of the day I managed to make significant progress on my children of divorce article. We had leftovers for lunch and then Ben left for counselling. I kept going with it, and by the time he came back, I had 1,200 words.

As soon as he got back, we left for the Moore Park Entertainment Quarter. According to their instructions, there was still a way to get in there, despite the road closures (which, when we got there, we could not see any evidence of there being any). We went across the Anzac Bridge and through the Cross City Tunnel, then down Ocean St and Queen St through Woollahra, across Oxford St, down Moore Park Road and Driver Avenue and then into the Entertainment Quarter. There was no traffic, and it was a breeze to get there so I don't know why I stressed about it.

We went into the Love Sac shop and sat on the love sacs because I wanted to. Then we went to Cine for dinner (pizza and salad) before going off to see Cirque du Soleil's Dralion. My brother had originally bought the tickets for my mum for her birthday. But when she realised that the dates coincided with World Youth Day week, she wanted to change. I think he couldn't be bothered changing the date so he asked if we wanted them (yes! yes!) So that's how we got to see Dralion (and how I managed to celebrate my birthday all week!).

And they were totally awesome seats too—fifth row from the front on the right hand side of the stage. We splurged on popcorn and fairy floss and a program (I love getting programs for things like this), and when we entered our row to find our seats, we discovered two people already sitting there. The guy showed me his ticket and it had the same seat number, row and section on it, so I went to talk to the usher. Then the guy realised that his tickets were for the following Friday night. His date didn't look too impressed. We were given the seats, but I felt sorry for the couple—I hope they weren't on their first date or anything, and that they managed to find good seats elsewhere.

During intermission, we went outside to stretch our legs. It was cold outside but very warm under the big top. Then we went in for the rest of the show. Highlights included: the trampolinists, the Chinese ballet dancers who did pointe on lightbulbs (who thinks of these things????), the aerial pas de deux, the aerial hoop, the juggler, the dralions (giant balls that acrobats would stand on and make them roll, and then do somersaults on them), and the skipping ropes at the end where the acrobats would form a pyramid and yet still jump rope. Overall, I didn't find it as spectacular as Varekai (I loved the Flight of Icarus and the Russian Swings) but I still thought it was wonderful and beautiful (the costumes were more beautiful) and vastly entertaining.

Afterwards we headed back to Cine for dessert (lemon meringue pie and chocolate cake with ice cream) and then drove home through no road blocks.

Saturday 19/7/08

The alarm went off at 8:30 but I couldn't make myself get up 'til 9. I had a shower, read my Bible over breakfast and prayed, then jumped on the computer and dealt with email, Facebook, Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and blogging. Ben went and got us fish and chips for lunch (yum!) and then did the vacuuming. I spent the day on the computer, catching up with blogging.

In the evening, Ben had leftovers for dinner and I made myself noodles. We watched taped TV, then went to bed.

Sunday 20/7/08

I set my alarm for 8:30 but didn't get up until 9. I had a shower, then ate breakfast, read my Bible and prayed. Then I jumped on the computer and dealt with email and Facebook, and got stuck into writing my children of divorce article. It was hard going. I wrote all day, only stopping to make lunch (grilled salmon with boiled vegetables). After lunch, I kept going. I finished just in time to leave for church. I printed four copies and, at church, gave one to Bec, one to George, one to Guy and one to Kurt. Rod preached on divisions and it was a really interesting sermon. I must admit, I wasn't following too well in the question time afterwards.

Supper was buy your own takeaway, bring it back and eat it together. George, Bec and I walked up to Yum Yum Thai to get ours, all the while George telling us about her new job and the difficulties she was encountering. It was sprinkling with rain which was kind of annoying as only one of us an umbrella (me). We brought our food back to the hall to eat and were one of the first ones there. Eventually the others trickled in and ate with us. I started compiling a list of books to lend to George for her to read on the bus (she has an enviable ability to be able to read while on buses and in cars; I get motion sickness). Then Bec had to go and George had to go. I stayed around for a little while, chatting to Lesley and James, and finished another scarf/shawl.

Then I went home, put away the clean dishes, prepared for Monday, washed and changed the sheets, and did a whole heap of computer things—sent out my article to a bunch of people asking for feedback, sending out reminders to register for The Faithful Writer conference, and so on. Bec came online—she couldn't sleep. I was worried I had made her sad with my article. She had read it pretty much straight away, and gave me feedback on it via IM. We talked for a while. I ended up going to bed around 11:30.

I was in at work at 7:30 but realised that Tony had been in on the weekend and had already seen my prank so I missed his initial reaction. Oh well! Work was more fighting foo: email, Sola Panel (you wouldn't think one little blog would be so much work, would you!) and Faithful Writer things. I was going to have lunch with Bec as Elsie was away but then Tony sprang on us a surprise GAFCON report plus slideshow so I had to cut my lunch with Bec short.

Tuesday 8/7/08

Writing day—and I get to do it for work! I woke later than intended, then said goodbye to Ben who was driving to Canberra to visit Steve. I caught the train to Circular Quay and went to the Customs House Library, getting in around 11. I worked for about an hour and a half, reading Surviving the Breakup and scribbling bits and pieces on my article outline. Then I walked to Pitt St (trying to get some exercise) and went to The Tea Centre to have lunch (toasted sandwich with sundried tomato, rocket, bacon and bonconcini, plus a large pot of chai tea). I finished reading Surviving the Breakup along with writing my notes, then walked to Dirt Cheap CDs, then Kinokuniya where I splurged and bought some books: The Game by Diana Wynne Jones, Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi (which came out in a format which doesn't cost $50!) and a little hardcover version of Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey (because it's only after you possess the complete works of Jane Austen in one volume that you realise it's really difficult to read; the print is too small, the margins too narrow and the book way too heavy. Plus I've always been a sucker for little hardcovers; you should see my little collection of Bloomsbury Classics).

I caught the train to Newtown then and went to the Dendy to see The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (watch an English dub trailer). Bec was keen to see this with me but we couldn't find a time that suited us and the Reel Anime film schedule. So I went by myself. The movie was made by a number of people who worked on Studio Ghibli films (including Grave of the Fireflies) and it certainly had a kind of Studio Ghibli feel. The animation was just breathtaking with enormous attention paid to light and shade and colour. It had the sort of look about it that made me think of Whisper of the Heart (my favourite Studio Ghibli film)—deep blue skies filled with billowing white clouds, sunshine, cicadas chirping in the trees, young boys and girls/men and women running along enjoying friendship and high school. The script was funny and clever (I loved the remark that her aunt made about how she used to leap through time: “You ever have one of those Sundays when you wake up and before you know it, the day's over?”), and it took you through the lows and highs of emotion, the characters were well done, and my only gripe was the ending (quite unsatisfactory!) and the fact that Mokoto looked rather comical when she cried.

Afterwards, I caught the train home and ate leftovers for dinner while watching Bend It Like Beckham. Then I went to bed. But at 3 am I still couldn't sleep (maybe because Ben wasn't there beside me) so I turned on the light and read some more, and finally dropped off around 6.

Wednesday 9/7/08

I got up at 9 and went to the city—went to Kings Comics to see if I could find the Coraline graphic novel illustrated by P. Craig Russell. They didn't have it yet, but I was able to score a free double pass to a preview screening of The Forbidden Kingdom (the first movie featuring both Jet Li and Jackie Chan). I SMS-ed Elsie and she agreed to come with me, provided she's free.

Then I walked to see if I could find the library near Town Hall, only to discover that that library was what the Customs House Library is now. (The Town Hall office buildings still have a scale model of the city of Sydney though.) I went to Kinokuniya and sat in the window seat of the children's section, reading Divorce by Frank Retief and scribbling notes. After a while, my legs started getting pins and needles, so I went to the café and ordered a hot chocolate (mental note: their hot chocolates aren't that good). I sat there and finished off Frank Retief's book, then went home on the train.

At home, I rearranged the study so that my desk is now near the door and the bookshelves are now near the window (this gives Ben more room near his desk). I did the laundry and ate leftovers while watching bits of Sliding Doors on my computer. I made fish for dinner. Then Ben came home while I was in the shower. He'd brought me a present. We talked and then went to bed.

Thursday 10/7/08

Back at work without Ben, I felt really tired and I forget what I did (Sola Panel? Briefing assessing? Web things? Whatever it was, I swear it was work! Oh yeah, it was Briefing meeting minutes!) I had fish for lunch and really enjoyed it.

Back at home, Ben made the mince dish for dinner. We watched TV together (Law & Order: Criminal Intent and SVU) and stayed up later than intended. After midnight, Ben sang me happy birthday and we went to sleep.

Friday 11/7/08

Karen turns 30. (Or 29 if you're counting in Pirates of Penzance years; lost the 6th birthday over the International Dateline.)

I woke up and had breakfast and Ben gave me presents: The Swimming Hour (by Andrew Bird's Bowl of Fire), Bottoms of Barrels (by Tilly and the Wall—the band who have a tap dancer instead of a drummer) and The Believer Book of Writers Talking to Writers.

We drove to work (in at 9:30) and I received lots of SMSs, emails, Facebook wall posts and face-to-face greetings from people wishing me happy birthday. I was touched they had all remembered! (Facebook helps!) Bec showed up later that morning bearing her present (which included this panda made of FIMO).

At 11, Ben and I went off to our appointment at the bank, thus making it our first foray into the world of home loans and other such things. I don't think I followed much of what we talked about during the meeting (“Mortgage insurance? Wha ...?”) so it was a good thing Ben was on the ball. In a way, the meeting was a bit depressing: it's amazing how much it costs to own your own place if you want to live in Sydney, and it's even more disturbing how much you have to repay each week to the bank. How do people do it and still manage to give to Christian ministry and charity and the like??? Why isn't it as simple as when Jane and her father go house hunting on Prince Edward Island in Jane of Lantern Hill and buy the Jimmy John's place by the gulf for a mere $400 (including furniture)? (Yes, I know, life is not like the books ...)

For lunch, Bec, Guan (who wrote me a birthday card on a blog post), Elsie and Ben had arranged for all of us to go to lunch. So we went to the Kingsford dumpling house and filled up on dumplings (of course!), honey chicken, noodles and other yummy things. Elsie gave me Persepolis for my birthday because she had read about it on my blog. It turned out we had bought our copies just a day apart from the very same place! I said I would exchange the one I bought.

In the afternoon, I finished off the Briefing meeting minutes and sent them around. Em very generously broke out the chocolate Tony had brought back from the UK for Friday Worker's Club, and we all partook. Ben came to pick me up around 6 and we drove to Newtown and went to our favourite Japanese restaurant in Newtown (Hikaru, but unfortunately the food isn't as good now that it's changed hands). Someone was in our usual table so we got one close by. We both splurged and got the banquet, and ate 'til we were stuffed. “There are so many things I love about Japanese food,” I told Ben happily. “Sushi, sashimi, soft-shell crab, California rolls [okay, those aren't strictly Japanese], edamame, tempura, udon, eel ... miso soup ...” He laughed at me, then explained the whole home loan thing to me because I asked him to.

Then we drove to the video store and borrowed out Once and watched it in the study on the big screen, then went to bed.

Saturday 12/7/08

We were up early, and we caught the train into the city to go watch Lizz at her eisteddfodd. She was competing in the 17-25 female vocal event, which was being held in St Stephen's Uniting Church on Macquarie Street. The place was freezing and I felt so sorry for the poor girls in ball gowns who huddled in their duffle coats until it came time to sing, when they would take them off and perform in front of the sole adjudicator. They did two songs each. There were 25 girls in this division (according to the program) but the schedule had only allowed for an hour for the division (way too optimistic ...) The first girl was absolutely amazing—gorgeous tone, flawless performance, completely demoralising for everyone else (I wonder if she won). I sat there thinking how lucky I was to listen to opera on a Saturday morning (and some of those girls were brilliant! However, one poor girl had to perform while there was another soprano practising scales just outside. The audience started getting indignant and fidgety then ...) Then it started getting tedious, and I knitted away silently at another Urchin hat and waited 'til Lizz was up.

She did a lovely performance, and her theatrics were amusing and well-suited to the song. After the division was over, we said goodbye to her and walked to Pitt St. Ben went to Dirt Cheap CDs and I went to Kinokuniya to exchange the book. He met me there. I ended up getting the Coraline graphic novel (which means I now own it in hardcover, softcover, audio and graphic novel ... yes, Guan, I know I'm slightly crazy!) We went to Max Brenner under David Jones for hot chocolate and queued for ages, but then were lucky enough to get a seat. (They so need a bigger premises ...) Then we went home, had leftovers for lunch and watched taped TV—The Simpsons, Law & Order and so on. Ben fell asleep so I switched to Peacemaker that Elsie had passed on from her sister while ironing shirts.

Then it was time to get ready, so I donned my black velvet dress, pinned back my hair, put on makeup and then we went to catch the train to the city once more. We met Catherine H who was on her way to a hen's night, and chaperoned her almost to her destination as she was headed in the same direction as us.

We made it to Azuma a bit late and discovered we were the last ones there. We had a private room because there was nine of us, and it was a very lovely room. The ordering mostly fell to me which slightly exasperated me because I was sick of making decisions. But I ordered for us and then worried I hadn't gotten enough. Then it came, and it worked out that there was enough because everyone was full by the end. And, my goodness, wasn't it delicious! We had sashimi,

air dried and butterflied Pacific saury (yummier than expected!),

deep-fried New Zealand flounder fillets served with Ponzu dipping sauce,

grilled fresh duck breast served with Azuma's original Teriyaki sauce,

hot soba,

eel, tempura, hand rolls, Chawan-mushi (steamed savoury egg custard with Prawn, Scallop, Shiitake), and so on.

There was some debate about what we should do afterwards. We had been thinking of going to see a movie but then we wouldn't have been able to talk to each other, plus Pitt St was a bit of a hike away. I was sort of keen on karaoke (having never done it before in the city) but only a few of us were up for that. We decided to see if we could find dessert somewhere nearby. We walked down towards the Quay and passed the Customs House which, to my surprise, was still open. I led them all inside to show them the foyer floor (the lights are more visible at night):

And then Liwen mentioned the restaurant at the top of it—Cafe Sydney. It seemed perfect: we piled into the lift and went up, and because there were no tables, were seated in the lounge area on the funny chairs and low tables that looked like white pillboxes. There, we ordered dessert, tea and cocktails. They had T2 tea, and it came with milk and a whole pot full of honey!

Ben had trifle.

I had cheesecake (vanilla, pear and ginger cheesecake with brandy snap—yum!)

We also wandered out front to check out the view:

Finally, around 11 pm we called it a night and parted ways—Ben and I catching the train home.

Sunday 13/7/08

We slept in a bit, then I got up and made a list of things I wanted/needed to do on the computer. I got through most of them before I had to get ready for the wedding. I wore my blue bridesmaid's dress from Becky and Phil's wedding and wore the lace thing from Victoria over the top. We caught the train to Circular Quay and saw one of the wedding guests on our way around The Rocks to The Watersedge.

There we found Leigh rehearsing with his guitar, and Elwin setting up sound (I couldn't believe he was setting up the sound for his own wedding!!!) Ben was on MC duties, so I found myself a table and sat down, and scribbled. Then other started showing up so I put that away and was social.

More and more guests showed up, and we gathered around the area with the chairs, and the wedding began. The family and bridal party came from further up the pier—from the Sebel. Felicity looked amazing.

After the wedding while the bridal party were having photos done, we went next door to the Sebel and had drinks in the foyer. (I had hot chocolate and snapped photos.)

Then around 6 we went back to The Watersedge for the reception where we were served canapes and ushered to our tables:

It was a lovely reception with Ben being a very relaxed and friendly MC, introducing some of the best speeches I've ever heard at a reception (they were so funny!). I wish the pillar hadn't been blocking my view of the PowerPoint slideshow Felicity's mum did. There were also performances from various people singing songs. After that, there was dessert and dancing:

I wasn't going to dance but then got urged into it by Crystal. Anyway, it was easier to watch Ben dancing from the dance floor than from the table.

The evening went on with more dancing. When we were sick of the dancing and the thumping, inappropriate music (who plays gangsta rap at a wedding???) Ben and I went outside. Various guests left before the end because, after all, it was a Sunday night and the majority had work the next day. But we stayed right to the very end—when everyone made an arch with their hands and the newlyweds ran outside and out to their limo.

Ben and I walked back to Circular Quay and caught the train home. We alighted at Stanmore and walked home.

“Whales,” said Ben.

“What about them?” I said.

“They're mammals.”

“That they are.”

“I wonder why they decided to go back to the sea.”

“Maybe because on land you can't walk around with your mouth open and have food just end up in your mouth.” (Karen then does her best whale-scooping-up-krill impression complete with Muppet Animal noises. Ben then laughs at Karen, and they go home.)

End of the month. I'd completely forgotten I needed to do all the current issue Briefing stuff. I was in at 8 and got the prime parking spot in the alley near work (yes!) Guy had laid out some sticky cockroach traps the week before, and I came in to find a whole bunch of cockroaches stuck in them, frantically waving their antennae because they couldn't get free. There were also several mothers in one of them (you knew they were mothers because they carried egg sacs on their backs which, Guy assured me, would eventually burst and all the baby cockroaches would come tumbling out and get stuck in the sticky traps too. Hope you're not eating anything as you read this ...) (By the way, did you know cockroaches are cannibals? Another reason to hate those disgusting creatures ...)

I did the fruit and veg and fish shopping on the way home. Ben made some ravioli to go with the leftover spaghetti bolognaise sauce. I worked for two hours, then stopped for dinner and watched taped Law & Order: SVU. Then I worked for another three hours, finishing The Longing, e-news and store things. That left The Library. I had a shower and went to bed late.

Tuesday 1/7/08

Canada Day. (“O Canada ...” how I miss you ...) I slept in and came in to work late (given I'd just worked five hours the night before). Bec and I had lunch together to talk about the editing seminar and found that we were pretty much on the same page (good place to be for two editors!) I worked on stuff for The Library and managed to get most of it done. What I didn't finish, I finished at home as I decided to leave at four anyway. I stopped by the video store and returned the 3-day releases and asked for another copy of No Reservations because the disc scratches (and they kindly gave it to me).

I don't remember what Ben and I did that evening; perhaps more television. Ah, television ...

Wednesday 2/7/08

Day off. I slept in way later than I thought I would, then started the laundry. I kept trying to do it all day. I hung stuff outside because it was sunny, but it was also windy so the clothes rack fell over and I had to wash all those clothes again. I watched No Reservations and Ella Enchanted (grr, skips ...) plus the special features, and really enjoyed it (oh, Hugh Dancy! And Anne Hathaway has a nice set of pipes. Did you know that she was almost going to be in The Phantom of the Opera but couldn't get out of it due to The Princess Diaries? [What an awful movie!] And she would have been Johanna in Sweeney Todd but then Burton decided he wanted to cast an unknown ... all right, enough trivia ...)

Because of my laziness, I got to making dinner later than expected (grilled dory and bok choy on 2-min noodles). We watched NCIS from the night before, then Numb3rs. Then we cleaned up and re-made the bed because I had washed the sheets. We went to bed around midnight because we were both feeling so sad.

Thursday 3/7/08

We got up around 8 and left at 9 or so to go to work. We dropped the DVDs back at the store and then drove to work, getting in around 9:30. I finished off the last of The Briefing stuff and dealt with email things.

I'd arranged to have lunch with Bec to talk editing seminar (she had written a great little role play for it), and Ben and Guan came too to listen in. I think we were all pretty out of it, but apart from the examples, the seminar was in pretty good shape.

Ben and I worked until 6 and then he dropped me off in Newtown so I could have dinner with Anita. I was early so I went to Better Read Than Dead and bought Peter a birthday present (Haruki Murakami's The Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World—my favourite Murakami novel) and saw an amigurumi book called Creepy Cute Crochet: Zombies, Ninjas, Robots, and More! (so tempting to buy it and then I remembered I don't crochet). I also went into a couple of music stores before going to hunt for the restaurant where Anita said we'd meet. Unfortunately my sense of direction was all out—I walked up and down King St to no avail, and then Anita rang me—she'd spotted me from the other side of the road (it was the red urchin hat that made me stand out)—and I went to meet her. We went to Le Kilimanjaro for dinner—African food (I made Anita choose because I was sick of making decisions). It was really yummy! And we had a good talk for ages and ages, moving on to the Ice & Slice for gelato for dessert (gelato + good heart to heart = effective tonic for the soul). Then she dropped me home.

Friday 4/7/08

Back in at wor, Ben and I arrived around 9:30. I worked on web things, Sola Panel things, fighting foo things, and so on. I think we also had Friday Thai day on this day, but because the weekend was filled with meals not at our place, I abstained from Thai and finished off the grilled dory (which everyone was really impressed by).

Ben left for counselling at 3. I kept working away at what I was doing. Just before 6, I quit and started decorating Tony's office because he was due back from leave on Monday. When Ben returned, he helped me: we stuck Post-It notes on everything and labelled them with “bookshelf”, “chair” and “Caution: sticky!” (that last one went on the sticky tape dispenser).

Then we drove home. Fish came to get us around 7, and we went out to dinner at The Italian Bowl in Newtown (yes, dinner in Newtown two nights in a row ... I am spoiled). There were no free tables so we sat at the counter and talked all manner of books and comics and art and walking adventures and stuff you don't really remember talking about, but at the end you feel like you really enjoyed the conversation. When we'd finished eating, we felt the restaurant staff giving us the unspoken pressure to go, so we went and wandered around the Newtown shops for a while—Fish Records (where I had a listen to Scarlett Johansson's Tom Waits cover album Anywhere I Lay My Head—not a fan) and then hung out at Better Read than Dead (where I talked to my mum on the phone about coming to sort through my things) until the movie started: Batman: Gothic Knight. It was showing as part of the Reel Anime festival organised by Madman. I didn't realise that it was like The Animatrix—six short films by various writers and anime production houses telling six short stories about different facets of Batman and Gotham city. I enjoyed it (“Working Through Pain” especially), and some of the animation was just beautiful (kind of weird to see Batman/Bruce Wayne drawn in traditional anime-style) but it wasn't as good as The Animatrix and, as Fish said, it brought nothing new to the character.

Fish dropped us home and I stayed up doing Word by Word things: printing out outlines, looking for another worked example, stapling, hole punching, getting stuff together for the following day so that I could just grab the bag and be out the door. I went to bed at around 1.

Saturday 5/7/08

Word by Word. We pretty much got up and went, picking up Ben M on the way. We got to the office and set up, and then I managed to squeeze in some breakfast. Dave was supposed to be doing devotions but when he didn't show, I assumed he was sick like his blog said. We did a writing exercise from The Little Red Writing Book and read Psalm 84 together. Then Bec and I went through our seminar on writers and editors. (We worked out what we needed to cut and how we could run it better.)

During writing time, I needed some air so Ben and I went for a walk to get the lunch. We ate Thai, then Bec and Guan made their apologies because they had to go (Guan was working on his sermon and Bec wasn't feeling well). We did some workshopping in the afternoon, then wrapped up and headed home.

We dropped Ben M off and then continued on to my mum'shouse. I fell asleep in the car on the way. At my mum's I started the cleaning up process: even though it's been 8.5 years since I lived there, I hadn't completely cleaned out all my stuff when I got married because it was too hard. But now that they are moving, the time had come. So I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening going through my things while Ben had a nap.

It's weird finding all the stuff you've forgotten—for example, drawings I used to do of cats (that looked like Hello Kitty) and rabbits (that looked like the rabbits on my old extremely cool pencil case [extremely cool because it had all these buttons you pressed to make things pop out: pencil sharpener, the drawer for my eraser, thermometer {yeah, what's a thermometer doing on a pencil case?} and so on]). It was also weird discovering that my interests haven't changed all that much: I've always been into comics (I used to draw a few ... my goodness, they were terrible! If I'm feeling energetic with the scanner, I'll post a few) and writing (I'm not posting the juvenilia so don't ask) and craft. Did you know I used to make woollen flowers with an Inox Flower Loom? Or that I used to make things out of plastic canvas (like tissue box covers, and cups and “saucers”)?

I also remembered that I used to hoard stuff. I don't think it was for any particular reason—I think it never occurred to me that I could throw things out (like gifts that I didn't particularly like). So in boxes in my own room I found notes I passed in class in high school, editions of Georgie Girl (our school newspaper), editions of Fred (the school newspaper of our brother school which was miles better than our school newspaper ... I even found the edition which had a photo of the graduating class that Dave was part of on the back of it) and exercise books from primary school (boy, was I good at drawing title pages!) I saved some things, threw out other things and put aside some things for the Salvation Army/Vinnies.

Peter made roast lamb marinated in yoghurt along with roast vegetables and stuff for dinner. We opened presents (for both Peter and myself), and then I rang my dad to see if he would store the cradle because we had no room for it at our place. (He made the cradle, you see, and I think my parents used it for me and my brother, and it came over with us from Canada. If Ben and I have children, I hope we can use it for them.) My dad was up and was happy to store the cradle, so Ben and I put it in the car and brought it over, along with several boxes of Lego which Ben wanted our future offspring to have, and some of my dad's old photo albums which hadn't made their way back to him after the divorce.

Then we returned to my mum's and I kept going through my old stuff. I finished around 11 o'clock at night. Ben and Peter loaded the car with old photo albums (my mum thinks I should keep them and not her. I don't know how we're going to move out of here; we now have so much more stuff!), books that Peter doesn't want any more (for me to get rid of on Bookmooch) and all the stuff I'd salvaged from my old room (which included lots of Hello Kitty things—my old Hello Kitty pencil case, my Hello Kitty library bag, my Hello Kitty honey pot ... okay, you get the idea ...). We said goodbye to the house, then drove home and went to bed.

Sunday 6/7/08

We had a big long sleep in and woke at 12. I can't remember what we did in the afternoon (computer? TV?) Ben went off to band practice and I went off to Unichurch to hear Guan preach. I parked in the multi-storey and walked over to the lecture theatre. On the way, I passed a troupe of hip hop dancers near Electrical Engineering who were grooving to a car stereo pumped up loud. There were people everywhere—surprising for a Sunday.

It was my first time at Unichurch and I was a little disoriented so ran into a regular who tried to suss me out for evangelism purposes on my way in. It was funny having church in a lecture theatre (nice that all the seats have those fold out table bits that you can use to write on). The data projector kept stuffing up and displaying a message about checking the air conditioning smack bang in the middle of the screen so most of our song words were obscured.

I sat with Bec. Guan preached well with characteristic Guan-ness. Afterwards, we said hi briefly to Haoran and Sarah, and Haoran and Guan's parents, and then I went home and made risoni for dinner. Ben called to ask if it was okay for Marinka to come over. I said yes, that was fine. So Marinka came over and hung out with us in our lounge room for a couple of hours. We had mini music appreciation in which we made her listen to Thao, Sia, Stars and St Vincent—all music I'm into at the moment. We also talked music festivals and our ideal line-up (she was trying to convince me to come with them to The Great Escape but it's $180 and the only band I'd really want to see are The New Pornographers and Neko Case if she does something solo).

Marinka went and while Ben did the washing up, I read in the cosiness of bed.

It was very hard to get up at 6:15. I managed 6:30. I also read my Bible over breakfast and prayed. I was in at work at 7:30 but the prime parking spots were already taken. It annoyed me; where did all those cars come from, and why was I having this problem now and not six months ago? Where did that rubbish come from—that roll of carpet and those tins of paint??? I know it's ridiculous that such little things should cause me such stress but they do. I suppose it's an indication of how full my stress cup is.

I left at four and went straight to the shops to the Asian supermarket and to Woolworths. I got another 25kg bag of rice. My shopping trolley ended up packed to the brim—so much so that the cashier asked if I was shopping for work or if I had kids. I explained that I only do the supermarket shopping once a month. She still seemed to think I was a bit of a nutter.

Back at home, Ben helped me carry it all up the stairs. I made rogan josh chicken for dinner with microwaved pappadams, steamed carrots and broccoli. Finally I got to sit down! We watched last week's TV—Numb3rs, new Futurama (which made me laugh uproariously; I'd forgotten how much I like Futurama and how clever it is), Law & Order: SVU, and then an episode of Lost Season 1 (I'm still not very into it). I wound yarn into balls to prepare for my next knitting project. Then we went to bed around 10:30/11:00 pm after I read a bit of The Ultimates (borrowed from Fish).

Tuesday 24/6/08

It was harder to get up at 6 but I did and had a shower. I took breakfast to work with me but didn't eat it; I downed about a litre of water instead. Then I started work—dealt with my email and The Sola Panel. I went to get a blood test done which took half an hour (it's to see if the cholesterol meds are having any effect). Back in the office, I kept dealing with the foo and finally got back into reading for my article. I had lunch at 1 (over more reading), and then I got sick of reading and decided to blog about the books I was reading.

I left at 4. The traffic was horrendous on Canal Road; I think this was the day that a car collided with a semitrailer which was blocking most of the road. The cars were slowly moving around it. I wasn't sure what to do so I did what everyone else in front of me was doing—mounting the median strip, manouevring around the traffic light and the semitrailer and then continuing on.

I started the laundry as soon as I got home and dealt with some computer things. Then we went out to Newtown to have dinner with Tho and Sarah (who was in the country for her sister's wedding). We ate at Viet in Newtown (quite nice!) and then went out for gelato for dessert (I decided not to have any). Ynping called me at that moment to talk about the Olympic party she and other school friends were planning (they want to go away for it). So I was antisocial for a while while talking to her. We dropped Sarah home and then came home ourselves. I finished off the laundry—changed and washed the sheets—finished my book blog post and went to bed.

Wednesday 25/6/08

Ben and I slept in a little and, at my suggestion, caught the 9:38 train and went to the Customs House Library to work. Strangely enough, it all came together and I managed to hammer out the first draft of my Salt article (and a good thing too; it was due in less than a week).

We had lunch at Wagamama and then Ben went home. I walked to Pitt Street mall and spent around $70 at Lincraft on yarn for making stuff (see my previous post on my yarn stash). I wandered around for a bit—I went to JB Hi Fi and found that Jane Austen DVD with Emma, Northanger Abbey and Mansfield Park. I also bought a birthday present for Peter (but it turned out that he already had it).

On my way through to Town Hall station, I met Lachlan and got to chat with him for a while before we both had to go. I went past Kathmandu who were having a sale but even on sale they were expensive. I then walked to Chinatown and found a Morning Glory shop because I was all out of Asian pens (these were $2 each instead of $1 like at Artbox). I also found some more Post-It flags.

Then I caught the bus to Newtown. I was early so I sat in the dog park for an hour in the sunshine, and knitted the Tuttifrutti scarf while thinking and praying. I met Sarah T at Campos but it was shut, so we walked to Cinque and I had a banana and hazelnut smoothie (I love hazelnut).

We both caught the train home. We ate leftovers for dinner, then watched TV all evening. I also felted the Booga Bag and was delighted with the results.

Thursday 26/6/08

I had a bad day today. We were in at work later than planned, and I was stressed and cranky. My computer was being slow and stupid, and then it crashed in the middle of installing a Microsoft Office update and while I was IM-ing with Guan and Bec, trying to convince them to come out for dumplings. When I restarted my Mac, I discovered I had lost Microsoft Word. This wasn't too good considering 90% of my work is done with Microsoft Word.

This wouldn't have been a problem but I couldn't find the right installation disks. I asked Ian. He didn't know. I asked Liza. She didn't know. No one knew. So I had to ring Simon (who had recently left us) but his phone wasn't answering. I left a message and went to lunch with Ben, Bec and Guan (dumplings! honey chicken! waa!) After lunch, I kept hunting for the discs. I was really upset about it because I wasn't getting any work done and I wanted to, plus I was experiencing echoing abandonment issues (blah blah blah—divorce—blah blah blah ...). I was still upset during prayer and Bible study, and when Ben left to go to counselling. Then I discovered that when I was out, Simon had called and left a message with Emma who had passed the phone message on via email as to the location of the installation disks. But because I wasn't checking my email (having shut down and re-started my computer several times to do various things), I hadn't gotten the message. So now I finally had the disks, and I spent the rest of the afternoon reinstalling Microsoft Word, along with all the security updates to fix the bugs. By the end of the day, I was completely fed up, and there wasn't any time left to do anything constructive on my article, so I spent the rest of it working on Sola Panel things.

Ben came to get me and we went home, and I made a vegetable stir fry with fish tofu. We watched some TV and then Ben went out to see Jono's band play at the Annandale pub. (I would have gone too but I was exhausted so I stayed home.)

Friday 27/6/08

We were in at work around 9 or 10—I forget when. It was a better day for me: I dealt with email and Sola Panel things, did some problem solving for Faithful Writer stuff, and I read for a bit. I spent the last hour of my afternoon working on my Salt article—polishing it and marking it up into HTML. I finished that last bit at home when Ben came to pick me up.

Then we went into Newtown to meet Dave and Luke at Cinque. It took us ages to find a park: Newtown on a Friday night is ridiculous. We ended up parking beind the dog park and were the first ones there. We got ourselves a table and then Dave showed up, surprised to see me (I only decided at the last minute to come). Dinner at Cinque was yummy (I think I had the risotto). Luke arrived but had already eaten so he had dessert. Then we got our tickets for Mongol at the Dendy and went in to see it. I was impressed with its beauty but also a bit frustrated with the unbelievable bits (e.g. one moment he's in the stocks, the next he's free with no explanation given whatsoever).

Afterwards, Ben dropped me home and then dropped Dave home. I read the rest of The Ultimates and went to bed.

Saturday 28/6/08

Ben left at an absurdly early hour to go canyoning in the Blue Mountains as part of Elwin's buck's party. I had a very long sleep in, got up, had a shower and walked to the video store and hired out four DVDs: P.S. I Love You, No Reservations, The Nanny Diaries and Ella Enchanted. It was all part of the “What's something nice that you can do for yourself this week?” prescription from George the previous Sunday. (“I don't want to do anything,” I said. “I want to knit and watch DVDs.” “So why don't you do that?” said George. “Because it's a waste of a day, and it's such nice weather outside, surely I should go out and do some exercise or something.” “Rubbish!” said George [or words to that effect].)

I walked home from the video store. It was hotter than I expected—must have been a warm front. I had leftovers for lunch and read my RSS feeds, dealt with email and Facebook, blogged, had leftovers for dinner and settled down for my night in—on the armchair in the study in front of Elwin and Felicity's ginormous TV.

Then I discovered why hiring DVDs is annoying: they skip. Somehow three of the four DVDs I borrowed had scratches on them, so every now and then the picture would freeze and skip ahead one scene, and I would fiddle with the remote to try and get it back to where it was supposed to be—or as close to the place where it skipped as I could get it—and No Reservations drove me near crazy because it skipped so much, I swear I missed half the movie, including the crucial climactic scene at the end. That evening, I ended up watching P.S. I Love You (which I loved and which made me cry, and how gorgeous were those shoes she designed!), as much of No Reservations as I could get and The Nanny Diaries, plus all special features. I knitted and ripped out almost an entire Urchin hat because I stuffed up the pattern. I finished the hat at 4 am and then went to bed.

Sunday 29/6/08

I slept in until 11:30 and then had a shower and breakfast. Ben came home—yay! We drove to Naomi's parents' house for her baby shower. The boys went out with Simon and the girls stayed in and did baby shower-type games. I'd never been to a baby shower before (and certainly not a baby shower when the baby had already been born) so it was interesting (and nice to catch up with Erin L and others). I managed to elude the baby food game but I did make a washer for little Jasper to use (not sure if that's a standard baby shower activity but it was fun! I drew my snow man on it). At around 4 Ben and I left and drove straight to Wild Street where we heard another excellent sermon from Kurt. It really comforted me by reminding me that GOd is in control of his world.

We didn't stay for dinner because Ben was rather tired (and so was I). I drove us home and made us spaghetti bolognaise for dinner (Ben needed to have a lie down so we ate in bed). Then I did the dishes and went on the internet to work on the editing seminar Bec and I are doing for The Faithful Writer, and spent a couple of hours going through the archives of Neil Gaiman's blog, looking for this (it was here). I also did some Sola Panel things and went to bed at 11:30.

Henry scarf

Henry scarf (from Knitty) made with Bendigo Woollen Mills Colonial Navy shade 007 dyelot 279 5 ply 100% wool. 580 metres per 200g ball. $10/ball.

This is the scarf I started last year intending to give it to my father for Christmas. I realised I wouldn't finish it in time so abandoned it. Then I realised in February it was going to be too small so I ripped out the entire thing and started again on bigger needles. You knit it lengthwise. The pattern consists of 24 rows and you go through it seven times. Each row took me about half an hour to knit. So, yes, it took a really really really long time!

I gave it to my father for his birthday when we had dinner this week. He seemed to like it!

Urchin hats

Urchin hat made from some yarn that Anita L gave me (unfortunately there were no tags attached so I have no idea what sort of yarn it is): (The hat really doesn't suit me as well as Ysolda so sorry you have such a poor model.)

Urchin hats (from Knitty) made with Lincraft Big Wool. Colour: Purple, pink, green/white/scarlet/black. Dyelot: 1, 07093801, 07043206. 50% wool, 50% acrylic. 40 m per 50g ball. $2.99/ball.

This:

became this:

This:

became this:

And this:

became this:

Scarf/shawl

I found this pattern in a Patons book (I think) but I can't remember which one (it was for their Ostrich yarn, I think). You cast on 40 stitches on 15 mm needles and then knit in garter stitch for about 2 to 2.5 m. Then it will stretch one way as a scarf and the other way as a shawl like so:

For this one, I used Lincraft Mega. Colour: Purple. Dyelot: 06115103. 60% nylon, 40% polyester. 105 m per 50g ball. $2.99/ball. So this:

became this:

I'm stockpiling these things to sell (hopefully) at the FEVA fundraising concert How Sweet the Sound. I've been told they'll have markets this year. I'm not sure whether selling my work is such a good idea—I have too much of an emotional investment in it and never know how much to charge (considering that one Urchin hats takes me about three or four hours to make and it's unlikely someone would pay more than $20 for a hat), and then feel like I shortchanged myself if my work doesn't sell for much ... But that's really not why I knit, and I guess if these don't sell, they'll always be useful as presents for people.

I woke up, had a shower and then got distracted by Ben so took a long time getting ready because I had to print stuff. While I was online, Guan asked us if we could pick up Bec as she had no wheels. That wasn't a problem; the problem was we were running late and it was raining. Oh well! So we ended up getting to Guan's at 11 instead of 10:30. We had been planning to walk to The Spot but it was sprinkling so we drove and got a good park.

We sat and wrote (or tried to write) for about an hour and a half, and then we hit the wall. We went to Noodi Noodi and got takeaway for lunch, brought it back to Guan's and ate it. After that, we played with Guan's Wii for a couple of hours which was pretty amusing—particularly when Ben and I were doing the boxing against each other (I won!)

At around 4:30 we left and drove to church. Church was good though the congregation was very small that evening. We had dinner afterwards at Real Thai, and we sat with Guy and Sam and Kurt.

I was pretty tired by the end of it, but still after getting home, I did stuff for The Faithful Writer and went to bed too late.

Monday 16/6/08

I went into work at 7:30. Work consisted of dealing with email, The Sola Panel, little web jobs and the compilation of The Daily Reading Bible (Volume 17). I should have stayed on the meds for a bit longer; I felt myself getting sicker and sicker. I left work at 4 and did the fruit and veg shopping, then came home and dealt with my home email and the laundry (changed the sheets). I made risoni for dinner then thought, “Okay, I'm definitely sick now”. We spent the evening watching last week's TV, I did the washing up, had a shower, photographed my bag (the white one), cut my nails and went to bed.

I have nice nails.

Tuesday 17/6/08

I woke up with a sore throat and decided not to go to work. I slept in, emailed work to say I was sick, then spent the day on the computer dealing with my email. In the afternoon, I watched some Veronica Mars and did some knitting. We ate leftovers and spent the evening watching NCIS and Richard Dawkins's The Enemies of Reason (apparently you can watch it in 10 minute increments on YouTube). I was surprised at how much I found myself agreeing with Dawkins: like him, I'm against superstition and the slavery that superstition brings; like him, I'm angry at people who exploit other people's vulnerability and gullibility; but unlike him, I don't have as much faith in science and reason. Ben and I spent a bit of time talking about it afterwards—so much so, we went to bed at 1.

Wednesday 18/6/08

I slept in pretty much until 11 or 12 which was a good rest for me. I had leftovers for lunch and spent the afternoon catching up on my reading of The New York Times and Salon.com. Bec and I talked on IM for a bit. Ben went for a walk with Malcolm in the afternoon. When he returned, I made grilled dory with bok choy, rice and crispy onions and garlic. We watched the news and a bit of Ugly Betty, then I went off and blogged.

Thursday 19/6/08

I was feeling better so I was in at work by 7:30. I brought my breakfast with me, and read the Bible and prayed while eating it. Work felt like fighting foo: I dealt with my work email, edited Sola Panel stuff and did online web stuff. We had a cake made by Jess for morning tea to celebrate Anna's birthday. Staff lunch was Indonesian from Ratu Sari (yum!) The occasion was made even fancier as we covered the table in the boardroom with a tablecloth, we had candles on it plus a centrepiece of Anna's flowers, and we all had plastic champagne flutes with fake champagne. But we weren't just celebrating Anna's birthday; we were also farewelling Dave and Simon.

In the afternoon, I finally got to finishing up the minutes from the last Faithful Writer committee meeting (over a month late, I think!) Then I went home and worked on more Faithful Writer stuff. I caught Karen on IM and chatted to her for a while. We had leftovers for dinner and then went out with Fish to San Churros in Glebe for chili hot chocolate and churros:

Afterwards, he dropped us home and we went to bed.

Friday 20/6/08

Ben and I went to work together and arrived around 9:30 am. I had hoped to do some writing—I'd even brought all my books for my children of divorce article—but I had to do Faithful Writer stuff first. Then a problem with The Sola Panel came up and I spent most of the day trying to fix it, only to discover that PEBKAC; I'd neglected to add the mail function in my PHP code. How embarrassing! *Sigh!* I was so irritated because I really wanted to get to the writing part.

In the afternoon, Ben left to go to counselling and I worked on Faithful Writer stuff (suggested bookstall list, etc.) Ben returned around 6:30 to pick me up. He dropped me home and then went to see Luke. I stayed home and ate leftovers for dinner and watched Aeon Flux (which I know is a poor movie but I love the visuals—I love the design of the whole thing—I love the architecture and the costumes and the locations they used in Berlin—I think the acting wasn't too bad, it was just the script that let them down. And of course it's a very different beast to Peter Chung's original animated series). I also finally watched Pretty in Pink (borrowed off George) while knitting the Booga Bag. Ben came home around midnight.

Saturday 21/6/08

I woke up around 9:30 but didn't get up 'til 10:30. I had a shower, then went out to the shops to buy milk. While I was there, I decided to make bacon and eggs for brunch. I woke Ben up when I got back and made him brunch. Then he went off to help Fish move house. I stayed home and spent the afternoon hanging out on Facebook (egg hunting) and blogging. In the evening, Ben was invited out to dinner by Naomi and Simon but I didn't feel like being social so I stayed home and watched Some Kind of Wonderful (which went in a direction I didn't expect it to) and then, in the vein of high school movies, Mean Girls. Ben came home around midnight.

Sunday 22/6/08

I woke up at 9:30 or so, and got up and went for a walk around Stanmore, Annandale and Leichhardt. I found the bead shop people kept telling me about and was overwhelmed at the amount and variety of beads they had. I also stopped in at Shearers on Norton and found My Parents are Getting Divorced: How to keep it together when your mom and dad are splitting up. In JB Hi Fi I tried to find the set of three BBC Austen movies that Jess had but they didn't have it. I did find Colour the Small One by Sia (which I like a lot better than Healing is Difficult.

Then I realised my time was running out. I came home and had a shower. Ben wasn't quite up yet. I ate lunch and watched a bit of She's the Man, then drove to Bec's and picked her up. We went to see Prince Caspian at the Ritz. Unfortunately we were sharing the cinema with a bunch of noisy children who were there as part of a birthday party. One of the women near us was so frustrated, she went out halfway through the film to complain to the staff. Unfortunately it didn't do much good. Still, I enjoyed the movie. I felt like it sagged a bit in the middle and I don't understand why they made some of the changes they did, but other than that, I liked it and would like to see it again.

Afterwards, we drove to Wild Street and heard a great sermon from Kurt (very challenging). I dropped Bec home and then came back to church and talked to George. I was feeling very down. She encouraged me to think of something nice I could do for myself in the coming week. Why is it so hard to think of nice things to do when you feel down? I know I have a list somewhere on this blog; I should bookmark it.

We had dinner in the hall: soup and bread (very nice). I met Dave who is married to Emily. Then I drove home, did some blogging and prepared for the following day before going to bed.

The pattern basically went like this: *k4, k1 with the yarn wrapped around the needle twice, k1* (repeated). I never knew that wrapping the yarn twice around the needle produced the longer stitch (discovered this on pages 13-14 of the May issue of Lincraft's How to magazine).

Sighing at my own stupidity, I put the entrelac bag aside. I know I'm going to have to unpick it as some stage because it's not quite working as a bag, but I tend to leave projects which I regard as having sort of “failed” in favour of picking up something else that I can actually do. While surfing the web, I found a pattern for this Booga Bag and it looked quite easy. And it involved felting—something I keep talking about and then never doing.

Unfortunately I forgot to take a “before” shot. But imagine something that looks a bit like this (minus the handles)

but in this colour:

(It's Rustic Red Tweed, 12ply, shade 963, dyelot 050.)

I spent most of last weekend knitting this bag using 6.5 mm needles. It knits up quite fast. The i-cord I finished after church which perplexed some of the Wild Street folk (“What are you knitting?” “A long piece of rope.”) I-cord is like the knitting you used to do on a Knitting Nancy except you do it on two double-pointed needles. This one required a five-stitch i-cord to the length of 180 cm.

On Wednesday I had a bit of time and so decided to have a go at felting the bag. I set the washing machine to “hot” and “low”, put in a bit of wool wash (I think I used wool wash), and then, when the tub was full, I added a pair of jeans and the bag plus i-cord in one of those zippered wash bags.

I left it on the agitation part (the first part of the wash cycle which, on my machine, takes about 12 minutes). Every 12 minutes, I'd go back and turn the dial back to the beginning again (because you don't have to let your machine go through the entire wash cycle four or five times; that's not what the instructions mean! Plus it's a waste of water). It only took three turns of this to get it nice and felty.

Here's what it looked like when I pulled it from the machine (sorry about the flash).

Then I fiddled with the dials so that all the water drained out of the tub and then the tub re-filled with cold water (I left the jeans in there). Once the tub was full again, I put the wash bag with the knitting in it back in. The machine finished its cycle—rinsing and spinning out all the water. When it emerged, it looked like this:

That's quite a difference from the knitted swatch above!

The next step was to shove a cardboard box wrapped in a plastic bag into it and leave it to dry for two days:

I was so excited that it actually worked, I kept trying to speed up the drying process by putting it in rooms where the heater was on, or in that patch of sunshine on our dining table before we left for the day.

On Thursday night it was dry so I put the finishing touches on the bag. I took the i-cord (which had shrunk to about 120 cm) and snipped it clean in half according to the instructions (felting means that the fabric won't unravel if you cut it).

I then made holes in the bag as per the instructions. These are my 6.5 mm double pointed KnitPicks needles sticking out of the bag.

The holes really needed to be bigger than that, however, as the i-cord is thicker than 6.5 mm needles, so I ended up having to shove two of them in each hole, wiggling them around to make the holes bigger.

Then I threaded the i-cord through as per the instructions, and tied the knots at either end. The result was this very lovely bag:

I think I still need to line it (or, rather, it would be a good idea to line it if I don't want the inside to get damaged by pointy things like keys). But I need to work out how to do pockets in lining to keep things like mobiles, journals and pens from moving around. I'll have to think about that ...

I don't normally take photos of my yarn stash but I'm trying to document the process a little more the way other knitting bloggers do. So here are some gratuitous photos of yarn:

Colour: mint green (6040). Dyelot: 8201. 52% tactel, 48% nylon. 91 m per 50g ball. 99c/ball. (I think I'll make this into a scarf/shawl.)

Lincraft Mega

Colour: Purple. Dyelot: 06115103. 60% nylon, 40% polyester. 105 m per 50g ball. $2.99/ball. (For another a scarf/shawl.)

Lincraft Big Wool

Colour: Purple, pink, green/white/scarlet/black. Dyelot: 1, 07093801, 07043206. 50% wool, 50% acrylic. 40 m per 50g ball. $2.99/ball. (For some Urchin hats.)

Lincraft Entice

Colour: Burgundy. Dyelot: 07032906. 100% nylon. 78 m per 50g ball. $2.99/ball. (For some more Urchin hats.)

Lincraft Pom Pom

Colour: pink and white. Dyelot: 08036001. 100% polyester. 38 m per 50g ball. $2.49/ball. (For even more Urchin hats.)

Autumnal scarf/shawl

Patons Feathers

Colour: vermilion (24). Dyelot: 737421. 100% polyester. 63 m per 50g ball. 99c/ball.

Lincraft Winter Warmth

Colour: orange/red/pink. Dyelot: 7039. 100% acrylic mohair. 78 m per 50g ball. $2.99/ball.

Scarlet scarf/shawl

Lincraft Flutter

Colour: scarlet/mauve/brown (claret mix). Dyelot: 28. 100% polyester. 52 m per 50g ball. 98c/ball.

Lincraft Romania

Colour: pink/mauve/charcoal (pastel mix). Dyelot: 07044805. 85% acrylic, 15% polyester. 65 m per 50g ball. $2.99/ball.

Sullivans Boa

Colour: plum. Dyelot: 4524. 100% polyester. Length per 50g ball not stated. $3.99/ball.

(The other nice thing about shopping at Lincraft is they threw in two free yarn pattern books, including this one.)

Here is some of the material I've been reading:

In 1971, Wallerstein, Kelly and a team of others embarked on a study of the effects of divorce on Americans. They interviewed the members of 60 Californian families who were in different stages of divorcing—both parents and children—and then interviewed them again 12 months later. Initially, they thought the study would only go for one year; in the end, it went for about 25, thus making it one of the few longitudinal studies of the effects of divorce on American families.

Surviving the Breakup is about the first five years following divorce. Strangely enough, it's the book I happen to be reading after all the others: I don't think I was aware of the order (not that it hugely matters), and I happened to have ordered the other books first.

I still haven't quite finished it. I started it some time last year and then put it down. It's not as easy to read as the others—it doesn't have Sandra Blakeslee's more fictocritical style, and it's written more like an academic work than a popular-level text. In addition, of course, some of the subject matter was distressing—I think because, in the early parts of the book, they talk about the immediate effects of divorce when emotions are still raw and the families are still undergoing trauma. Take this for example:

Karen, whose father left the household when she was not quite three, regressed in her toilet training and became whiney and demanding. Her father, who had been the primary caretaker, left in hurt and indignation and visited her irregularly. Karen clung desperately and tearfully to her other every morning when the mother left for work although the mother had worked since the child's infancy and the child had been well adjuted to this routine. (p. 58)

Or this:

Ben twisted a rubber band nervously as he talked about his father. “I can see him any time,” Ben declared too bravely. Asked what happens when he wants to see his father, Ben forced a casual air. “Oh, it's okay. It's usually not important.”. Quietly, painfully, he described their unlisted phone number, obtained by his angry mother to prevent his father from calling. Without free communication, mishaps in visiting plans increased, as did his misery

Ben remembered the time his father failed to hear him calling at the apartment gate. He returned home to telephone his dad. When he arrived at the house, his mother raged at the father's “irresponsibility” and Ben decided not to call. But the mother, by then yelling, called Ben's father herself and vented her fury. His father arranged to pick him up a block from home but Ben, by now completely distraught, started to cry and refused to go. His mother made a scene, angrily insisting that he had no choice and must go anyway. (p. 142)

(NB: It's purely coincidental that these examples I've pulled out have the same names as me and Ben!)

Of course, not all families are the same, and one of the great things about this book is that Wallerstein and Kelly take the time to draw out the nuances of difference that exist between the families (and children) who end up not doing so well and the ones who do, and the factors that possibly contributed to each one.

I've still got 130 or so pages to go.

Second Chances: Men, Women and Children a Decade After Divorce (Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee)

Second Chances picks up the study at the 10-year mark. Of the three books, this is the one that most resonated with me—probably because most of the children in the study were in their late teens/early 20s and were dealing with similar sorts of things I was dealing with. My perceptions are probably also partially coloured by the fact that this was the first book I read.

Second Chances is a lot different to Surviving the Breakup. Kelly is no longer on the project (not sure why, and this Salon.com article describes her as having “misgivings” about the direction Wallerstein has taken and says that Wallerstein is “very enamored of pathology”) and Sandra Blakeslee, a freelance writer who contributes regularly to The New York Times, has come on board to give the material a bit more of a popular spin. The result is very readable: the material is tackled according to families whose situations are painted in considerable detail in order to draw out some of the larger themes.

I appreciated this approach because it helped me to see the divorce not only from the point of view of the children (and Wallerstein and Blakeslee differentiate the points of view of the children so that we are given the perspective of older children, younger children, boys and girls), but from the point of view from the adults. Each section of the book usually starts with a discussion of the parents—the mothers, then the fathers, then the children starting with the eldest and moving down to the youngest (identities heavily disguised, of course, but what they say is taken straight from the interview transcripts).

It was also helpful to see divorce in different contexts—in families which were well off, families which were not so well off, families where domestic violence had been a problem, families which then experienced remarriage, families where the children were pretty much left to take care of themselves because the adults had gone on to pursue their own lives, and so on.

I found this part of the “Introduction” quite helpful:

Sometimes we think of one crisis as resembling all the others and all stressful events as having a great deal in common. But the truth is that in a family with children, there is no experience like divorce. In some respects, the closest thing to it is death and bereavement, for they each spur internal and external life changes: Each involves loss and mourning; each brings in its wake lasting changes in the fabric of daily life and intimate relationships. But divorce is different. Unlike death, divorce involves choice, and the long-lasting changes it effects carry the promise of positive outcomes. Unlike bereavement, divorce is intended to relieve stress and reduce unhappiness in family members. These intended effects may or may not be realized, but in either case, divorce at the outset comprises a special category of life crisis in that it simultaneously engenders new solutions and new problems. Divorce is also unique in that it gives rise to the central passions of human life.

Feelings of loss and grief comingle with those of love and hate. Sexual jealousy is triggered and reinforced by a sense of betrayal. Relief is tinged with guilt. Narcissistic rage is precipitated by humiliation. Acute depression rides on the heels of rejection. When long-lasting marriages break up, a person's very identity may be threatened. These feelings, and the internal conflicts they arouse, are not amenable to a quick fix or short recuperation. People do not forget that divorce is rarely a mutual decision or that it is a voluntary act, and entirely man-made and woman-made act.

When we fall in love, we idealize the object of our love; at the point of leaving, however, we de-idealize and sometimes dehumanize the loved one. Divorce is really the opposite of falling in love and it inevitable marshals anger and sometimes intense rage—rage that people feel is justified. It is a rage that feels good. Rooted in a sense of having been exploited and humiliated to the core, this anger flows from wounded self-esteem and helps us defend ourselves against feelings of depression, unloveableness, and abandonment. It is the kind of anger that helps people deny responsibility for the marriage's failure. The “bad guy” is he or she who wants the divorce; the “good guy” is he or she who wants to continue the family. What other life crisis engenders the wish to kill? In what other life crisis are children used as bullets? Divorce is unique in that it unleashes our most primitive and most profound human passions—love, hate, and jealousy.

No-fault divorce is a legal concept that has gained acceptance in this country, but I have yet to meet one man, woman, or child who emotionally accepts “no-fault” divorce. In their hearts, people believe in fault and in the loss associated with the decision to end a marriage. Adults almost inevitably blame each other, but, as we shall see, they rarely blame themselves. Children, on the other hand, feel that their parents are to blame for having failed at one of life's major tasks, which is to maintain marriage and family for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse.

Divorce is different from other life crises in that anger more often erupts into physical and verbal violence, violence that can cause serious psychological harm for many years. It spills onto the children and into the legal system. In fact, judges, lawyers, and police are in more danger of being shot or killed by angry family members than by criminals.

In most crisis situations, such as an earthquake, flood, or fire, parents instinctively reach out and grab hold of their children, bringing them to safety first. In the crisis of divorce, however, mothers and fathers put children on hold, attending to adult problems first. Divorce is associated with a diminished capacity to parent in almost all dimensions—discipline, playtime, physical care, and emotional support. Divorcing parents spend less time with their children and are less sensitive to their children's needs. At this time they may very well confuse their own needs with those of their children.

Divorce is also the only major family crisis in which social supports fall away. When there is a death in the family, people come running to help. After a natural disaster, neighbors rally to assist those who have been hurt. After most such crises, clergymen may call on the family to console adults or speak with children who are baldy shaken. But not so with divorce. Friends are afraid that they will have to take sides; neighbors think it is none of their business. Although half the families in our study belong to churches or synagogues, not one clergyman came to call on the adults or children during divorce. Grandparents may be helpful but are apprehensive about getting caught in the crossfire. They often live far away and feel their role is limited. When a man and a woman divorce, many people tend to act as if they believe it might be contagious. The divorced person is seen as a loose cannon. We have names for them: rogue elephant, black widow. Despite the widespread acceptance of divorce in modern society, there remains something frightening at its core. It is as if married people are afraid that another's divorce will illuminate the cracks in their own relationships. On a visceral level, every divorce threatens to erode our own marriages. (pp. 6-8)

The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study (Judith S. Wallerstein, Julia M. Lewis and Sandra Blakeslee)

In The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, Wallerstein talks about how she had considered the study to be finished when one of the children in the study (well, a child who was now an adult) came back to see her. In contrast to previous interviews, this particular girl was thriving and positive, and was just about to get married. Seeing her became the catalyst for Wallerstein to go back and interview the children from the study one more time to see how they were faring as adults and whether they had, in fact, “grown up”.

At the same time, however, she was interested in how they compared to children from intact households. She made contact with some of the kids who were peers of children in the study, and also interviewed them. The results, while interesting, lacked something which I had much appreciated in Second Chances but I can't quite put my finger on what it is. It's not that Wallerstein is saying that divorced family = bad and intact family = good; it's way more complicated than that. And some of the comparisons are really interesting—particularly that of Larry and Carol who both grew up in homes where domestic violence was the norm, but whereas Larry's parents divorced, Carol's stayed together and didn't see the violence and abuse as a problem; it was just part of the fabric of the way they related. I think my problem is I felt that Wallerstein jumped a little too quickly to her conclusion that most of the children in the study did, actually, “make it”—they learned to “master” their experience of divorce and learn from it, and then move forward from it. I think they did to a certain extent, but to me it seemed that for the majority of them, the shadow of divorce never loomed far away, and it continued to have an impact on them as adults, even though it might have happened so long ago. Certainly Wallerstein's “best case”, Lisa, for all the positives of her parents' divorce, showed that it still affected her and her ability to forge romantic relationships with others. Wallerstein's narrowing of the field also tied things up too neatly; I also wanted to know what happened to the parents, and the effect of their divorce on their grandchildren, and so on. Finally, although I am in no position to critique Wallerstein's message, WayneAndTamara.com's charge that “The Wallerstein ‘study’ is an example of statistically flawed research and improper methodology ... It does not meet accepted standards of scientific research” is worth pondering.

The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts (Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee)

Having spent so many years studying the effects of divorce, perhaps it was natural for Wallerstein to turn her attention to marriage and what makes it work when so many other marriages fail. The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts is a refreshing read after so many heartbreaking stories about the men, women and children in Wallerstein's study. Like Wallerstein's other books, this one also presents findings of a two-year study she conducted of 50 Californian couples who had been married for nine years or longer. She identifies nine “tasks” that couples must master if they are to reach the goal of a happy and fulfilling long-lasting union, along with four loose-fitting “types” of marriage: romantic marriage, rescue marriage, companionate marriage and traditional marriage. The book is structured according to these four types, and within each type, she uses a particular marriage as an example of that type of marriage as well as a springboard for discussion about the issues. She also examines the nine “tasks” as she moves through her material.

One thing I really appreciated about this book is that it wasn't a book trying to tell you how to make marriage work—it wasn't “self-help” or a magic formula. Wallerstein is more interested in observing these couples and seeing how they've managed to stay together and make the relationship last for so long. Some of the things they do may be applicable to your own situation but others won't be, and this should be expected because every couple is different. It was a bit of a relief to me to find out that there are many ways to be married and to enjoy marriage—that it didn't always have to be romance and fireworks (the romantic marriage), or equitable division of labour in partnership (the companionate marriage). In particular, I found the story of Marty and Tina Delgado fascinating: here was a couple who had each come from quite traumatic backgrounds, who had been raised with violence in the home, and who often communicated with violence: they would throw things around the room (vases, lamps, chairs) but because they had very rigid unspoken rules (the primary one being that they did not throw things at each other), the violence of their actions could still give expression to their conflict in a sphere that still felt safe to both of them. Over time as they learned to deal with each of their issues, they gradually stopped throwing things. But I find it interesting that they could still experience such a high level of conflict and still feel safe.

I also found the nine “tasks” that Wallerstein identifies hugely helpful. (I blogged about the first two of them in this CHN and commented on how the first two were rather biblical.) They caused me to reflect on my own marriage and whether or not Ben and I had managed to achieve those tasks.

In addition, I liked being able to glean a picture of marriage through different stages of life—from being newlyweds to new parents to dealing with adolescents (and the issues that adolescents bring to the surface in the parents; one of the wives talked very frankly about how she became obsessed with one of her daughter's boyfriends because he was so beautiful, and he provoked in her feelings of intense longing for the kind of adolescence she had never had) to being retirees.

Finally, I found the last section fascinating where Wallerstein turned the spotlight on a second marriage where both husband and wife were divorcees with children. I know I have a hugely negative perspective on divorce that it can be hard for me to accept that second marriages can work. Certainly Ellis and Jane Boulden had problems, and their children clashed with one another continually, but I do admire the way they tried to make it work as well as protect their own marriage so that their second marriage did not become a second divorce.

I highly recommend this book if you're married!

My Parents are Getting Divorced: How to keep it together when your mom and dad are splitting up (Florence Cadier with Melissa Daly; illustrated by Claire Gandini)

I picked this up on Sunday in Shearers Bookshop on Norton on the sale table. It's a book written for pre-teens and teens about how to cope with their parents' divorce (if you hadn't already guessed that from the title). The print is pretty large and there is a lot of spacing between the lines, and every page is adorned with some sort of colour illustration by Claire Gandini (her work is very charming and joyful). I haven't quite finished it—I've got one section to go—but so far, I've been struck by the following things.

Firstly, I wonder if the authors expect a little bit too much from pre-teens and teens. Take, for example, this passage:

If your parents are not as close as they used to be, it's possible that one or both of them may start another relationship with someone else—or have already. Just like children, adults develop and change over the course of their lives and it's possible for them to fall in love for a second time. Your parents' new relationships may be quite different from the one they had together, but they can be just as important and strong and beautiful. But obviously, for these new relationships to continue, the current one between them must end.

Mary can remember how her mother suddenly became really forgetful and seemed to spend her day in a dream world. She would be all smiles one moment and in tears the next. Mary knew that something was wrong but just could not put her finger on why her mother's moods had become so unpredictable. She was in the dark right up till the moment when her mother finally packed her bags. It was really hard to come to grips with, but at least Mary finally understood what was going on. Today, she's happy again, and so is her mother. And while her father was probably really hurt by her mother's new relationship at first, he seems better now, and mentions someone named Susan more and more each time Mary sees him. (pp. 19-20)

The authors gloss a little too quickly over Mary's reactions. I can't imagine a pre-teen or a teen being that understanding of their mother's adultery. Even friends I have spoken to whose parents got divorced when my friends were adults and not children were hugely upset by it—particularly when the circumstances involved adultery. In addition, the reaction of Mary's father is not typical of husbands who have been cheated on; according to Wallerstein's research, most of them remain bitter for years, even if they do remarry.

Secondly, and perhaps this is unavoidable, the authors have not been able to cater to every single experience of divorce. Divorce due to adultery is a different situation to divorce due to one partner tiring of the marriage, which is different again to divorce due to both partners coming to an agreement that it just isn't working (which is rare, according to Wallerstein). Perhaps the most significant ommission in the material is that the authors don't equip their readers to deal with their feelings of hurt, anger and depression. I felt at points they asked a little too much of pre-teens and teens in wanting them to look beyond their own perspective to that of their parents without acknowledging that, in some circumstances, the parents really have done wrong by their children and ought to acknowledge it. (Of course, I realise that this view does not sit well with modern sensibilities. Isn't this why we have “no fault” divorce?) The authors just expect their audience to grow up and deal with what is happening with them. There is no sense that this is unfair—that children shouldn't have to all of a sudden become little adults before they time just because their parents can't behave like adults with one another.

Thirdly, however, the authors do provide a lot of excellent advice for coping with the situation—things like: if your mum and dad try to get you on their side, try to remain neutral; it might be a good idea to talk to other people like your friends, your grandparents, your other relatives or a counsellor about the situation if you feel like you're not coping; and remember your parents' divorce had nothing to do with you. One of the most helpful things they do is explain the legalities surrounding divorce in a way which is easy to understand. (Unfortunately they're talking about the American system which probably isn't the same as the Australian, which makes me wonder why Shearers was selling this book in Australia.) I'm hoping that the third section which I have yet to read will give pre-teens and teens the tools to cope with and adjust to step-parents, step-siblings and half-siblings.

Generation Ex (Jen Abbas)

This is the first book on the topic of adult children of divorce I read. I can't even remember how I found it—I was Googling the topic and somehow it came up. I read the first couple of pages on Amazon and that was enough to convince me to get it secondhand. However, several years later, I cannot for the life of me remember what it's about. I've pulled it off the shelf again, flipped through it and perused the Table of Contents. I think I read it at the wrong time: I needed to understand the effect my parents' divorce was having on me before I could even think about the subject matter it contains (that is, it's about healing emotionally and spiritually). It also displays some of the trappings of American Christianity which I find a little odd (e.g. journaling and “retreats of silence”). That said, it did say some good things about anticipating your triggers—that is, things and events that will spark in you the emotions you felt when your parents' divorce was taking place. Maybe I need to read it again.

Divorce (Frank Retief)

I haven't quite finished this one either. Frank Retief is the Bishop of the Church of England in South Africa (CESA), and in this book, he draws on his considerable pastoral experience in counselling couples who were contemplating divorce. He is a little more pro-divorce than I am comfortable with, but I do take his point that the marriage isn't going to go anywhere unless both husband and wife are committed to it 100%. His book is valuable because he takes the time to look at all the passages in the Bible which speak about marriage and divorce. However, his argument concerning re-marriage didn't quite convince me; it seemed to be based on the interpretation of just one word in 1 Corinthians 7. Granted, I haven't looked into it enough, but Retief did not bother to explain it enough depth either.

There are a whole stack of books I would like to read if I had the time—including Elizabeth Marquardt's Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce (which has an introduction by Wallerstein) and What About the Kids?: Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce (Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee), but for an article of this length, it's probably better to make do with what I have, stop reading and start writing.