Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Thursday, 26 May, 2005
This evening I went online to book tickets for our flight to LA for my cousin's wedding in September. I must be the only person in the world who finds overseas travel (indeed, any sort of travel) stressful; whenever I talk about this trip, everyone seems to get so excited for me. I feel so ungrateful; in my short life I have been to Hong Kong, Toronto, Vancouver, Los Angeles, New York (I was too young to remember anything though), Michigan, Tokyo (and other parts of Japan) and Beijing (and other parts of China). I haven't been back to Toronto since 1998. No doubt it will be completely unrecognisable. My one Canadian friend said we could stay with her and her husband in their tiny flat (though they might possibly have a house by the time we get over there). I am also thinking about the economics vs. fun-ness of me and Ben staying in a hotel for one night before we go to Midland (this place looks nice and Ernest Hemingway and his wife stayed there once). I also wonder whether I will be able to have a double—or even triple—dose of Neil this year—if his Anansi Boys tour lines up with our flight schedules. I also dream about seeing Mirrormask in a North American theatre.
This week I've realised how few people there are I can talk to about feeling depressed. I sense that people don't really understand depression or know what to do with people who are depressed. The idea of talking to someone makes me feel like I am burdening them with something awful that they would rather not carry. I go through stages and generally appear quite cheerful but I put boundaries in place—I don't talk to anyone except Ben before 8 am and I avoid the morning crowd by getting to class early enough to get my computer going (it still takes 5-10 mins to start up) and knitting furiously (this week I finished another scarf and hat set for FEVA).
The nights are filling up and I'm conscious of how much work I have not accomplished. On Mondays we now have Bible study and, much to my delight, we are studying 1 and 2 Kings. On Tuesday we had dinner with friends, got to Fox Studios so early we were at the head of the queue and went to see Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith. On Wednesday (last night) it was Crusade night; the B&M-ers got together to eat Turkish pizza, Turkish delight, Turkish bread and baklava and watch Terry Jones in his documentary on the crusades (which we've been learning about in History of Christian Mission). I was one of the few who dressed up—I wore the $7 black velvet dress I bought in Canberra, put my hair into plaits and pretended to be one of the kids from the children's crusade of 1212. We all brought along our favourite relics and mine happened to be a bottle of what I claimed to be the expensive perfumed oil that Mary Magdalene poured on Jesus' head at the feast in Bethany (in reality it was just a bottle of olive oil). Tomorrow we leave for the Blue Mountains to attend the Petersham Evening Church house party. I've bought a polar fleece blanket to stop us from freezing.
Somehow, between now and Monday 6th June I must complete my History of Christian Mission primary document assignment. I have to read John Stott's Christian Mission in the Modern World which is only 127 pages but I am finding it hard to concentrate and I need to free up more time in my life. Perhaps I should stop doing things on weekends. May was a disaster. June is slightly better. But then I also have two exams and that Old Testament 1 essay to do.
While I am stuck in my hole, my blogroll is making friends with each other.
Blinks:
A way of funding writing in the future: pitch and idea and get people to support it.
Place where you can hire play equipment for parties, etc.
How to recalibrate the home button on your iPhone.
Unsolicited manuscripts accepted by Pan Macmillan with certain conditions.
Thought Balloon is a group blog in which the writers tackle a new theme every week? month? with one-page scripts. This URL is for their Phonogram ones.
How to sew a zipper on a knitted garment.
Issues organised by tale.
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I want to say something comforting, but it’s hard to know what.
It’s been my experience (and this varies depending on your self esteem and your general mood on a given day) that people are more willing to be burdened than you are to ‘burden’ them; I would say pray about it, and find some trusted person(s) to talk things through: at least some of the things.
And try and take a break at some point. That’s the advice that people were always giving me during my too-busy phases.
Oh no! Now I feel like I didn’t listen very well on Tuesday - you can unload on me if you want.
I went to Tasmania for a weekend last year. It’s the only ‘overseas’ trip that I have had. I think you have been blessed to be able to see so much of the world God has made.
Hi Karen,
In many ways you’ve encapsulated my feelings of late about the busyness of life and its entrapments. June is going to be slightly better than May but already am overwhelmed with all that needs to be done.
Will be praying for you.