Way out of the madness
Sunday, 23 January, 2005
“Anger,” said our counsellor, “is always a secondary emotion, masking something else—hurt, vulnerability, insecurity, and so on. It's a defence mechanism.”
Someone does something to hurt me and my first reaction is to get angry. I remember what our counsellor said and I understand why I feel angry—because I really feel hurt. But I don't know what to do from there—I feel hurt so I feel sad that someone hurt me. I feel sad and then I get depressed because I don't know what to do with my hurt or my sadness and perhaps I lack the maturity to bring my emotions under control or transform them into something else less negative and less destructive. Why can't I be like Lisa Simpson who, when Bart destroyed her centrepiece in “Bart vs. Thanksgiving”, went up to her room, cried and played the saxophone and wrote “Howl of the Unappreciated”. But when Bart was discovered to be down at a homeless shelter, she cried—not for herself and for the attention or sympathy she wasn't getting—but for her brother because she missed him and wanted him back. When he came back, she was able to speak to him without wrath, but rationally and gently, even though he still wasn't sorry and still didn't want to apologise. She even helped him see why he should apologise at all. *Sigh*.
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Any advice placed here would be met with Karens anger.
How do you know that, Philip?
If I explain my reasoning you will get angry.
That’s not very constructive. I would rather not know what kinds of crazy things you’re thinking about me.
Angry already…
You’re making assumptions again. I’m not angry at all. Perhaps you’re just saying these things to make me angry. I’m just feeling sad.
Your making assumptions too, you said you would rather not know what crazy things I am thinking about you.
How do you know they are crazy things? Sounds like an assumption.
Logically they are if you are reluctant to “explain your reasoning”.
No, it’s not a logical deduction from the available information.
It’s an assumed reason out of a multitude of potential reasons.
Whatever you want to think, Philip. I still don’t want to know. Keep your thoughts to yourself and let me deal with my problems in peace.
Then why do you ask, “How do you know that, Philip?” if you don’t want to know.
I don’t want to know anymore.
James 1 1:19
Well, not that it’s on the current line of ‘discussion’ or anything, but dont be too quick to write off anger as an acceptable response to things. The bible talks about God’s righteous anger and there are some situations in which anger is the right response. My trouble is that i dont get angry enough. People wrong me and I take it on myself, feeling sad thinking that I deserved that kind of treatment. People actually tell me that it would be good if I got a little angry at things.
Maybe not angry, Stu, but more assertive and maybe a little wiser about recognising an action for what it is. Remember Steve Pym said that it does no good to simply ignore that someone has sinned against you—sin should always be acknowledged.
There’s a difference between anger and lashing out. Remember that. We often get the 2 confused.